I almost quit social media AGAIN... and heres why

"No one will follow me if I don't post attractive pictures of me showing off my medical devices" 

"I am not like everyone else because I don't need much insulin, and my sugar stays in range without much effort, and I don't have a pump or CGM"

"I am not a 'true' type one diabetic"

"I am not relatable" 

Shew! Felt good to get that out there! I want to talk about comparing yourself to others... whether that be other diabetics, famous people, or peers. 

All of the phrases I listed above are things my inner self has struggled with, especially upon my recent re-enrtry back into the diabetes world on social media (Instagram specifically). I found myself straight DEPRESSED. Discontent with being device-less, wishing I was more like every other diabetic so I could be relatable, wishing I had more followers, more likes, more comments and better pictures. 

And so I was like, forget this! I was much better off without social media. I was happy with my glucometer and MDIs. I didn't even hardly THINK about having diabetes. Now all the sudden I'm stressed about not having devices, not having enough followers, and being so different from every flourishing diabetic on social media. UGH. 

I had a well-meaning follower tell me one time, "Maybe your a little bit cured!" because I cut out my long acting insulin while on a mission trip. "I would've been in DKA!", she says. 

I was recently refused the opportunity to participate in a clinical drug trial by higher ups because, "My pancreatic function was too high" although my doctor, research coordinator, and diabetes educator agreed I was PERFECT for this study and classically diagnosed type one diabetic (abnormally high GAD antibodies and all). The drug they were testing was supposed to stop or delay the autoimmune process. 

I don't have my pump or CGM right now because I don't have medical insurance, and I was totally fine without them until I got back on Instagram and felt like a total outsider to the diabetes community. 

I have felt like an outsider most of my life, ever since I was old enough to realize how different I am. I dress different than most people because of my personal convictions, I don't do things other people do or go the same places as other people my age. So its not a new feeling. 

When I was first diagnosed I was SO excited to go to a women's conference hosted by our local JDRF chapter. I was 16 (newly diagnosed) and with my mom. All the girls had devices. They all had been diabetic since they were 5 or 6 years old. I felt so, "not in the loop" around these people who I was supposed to share common ground with. This group that was exclusive, with a focus on a rare disease and difficult lifestyle that I and everyone else there had. Surely I should have felt normal here!

But I didn't. And you know what? Its OKAY to be different. Its OKAY to share common ground, but on different levels. Your self worth does not come from how relatable you are to people on social media that you probably don't even know or other diabetics who have better or worse numbers than you.  

Its okay if you take 5 units of Tresiba and have a high carb ratio! Its okay if you need 50 units of long acting and barely any short acting! These things do not make you type one or not type one. I have autoimmune diabetes, and my bet is you do too. I can grantee we are different in how we manage or illness and you know why?  Here's some relieving news: WE DONT LIVE IN THE SAME BODY OR HAVE THE SAME BRAIN! Autoimmune diabetes IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You have little contol over what your body does or does not do.

For me, my fulfillment, my self-worth, and my overall contentment is based in Jesus Christ. Its so easy to look at other people (especially as women) and wish we were just a little skinnier, a little more popular, or had clothes that were a little cuter or more revealing. 

But YOU my friend... YOU are SO much more than what everyone else's social media posts tell you you need to be. You be YOU. You do YOU. 

2 Corinthians 10:12

"For we dare not make ourselves of the number, [for they] comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise"

1 Corinthians 6:20

"For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's"

So whether you are a mom struggling to fit into every mold that every other mom is trying to smoosh you into, or you are a teenager discontent with how you pose for photos, how you look, or what you have to wear, or a diabetic who feels like no one gets you, please remember you are unique, perfect and I think you are AWESOME. 

So I almost quit social media AGAIN. But I didnt. Because I want to keep sharing, learning, and relating in any way that I can.

A Bloody Mess

The title pretty much sums up my day yesterday. I'm not going to lie- it was kinda a rough day diabetes-wise.
*Disclaimer* This post contains girl-stuff and a lovely little pic of my bloody back (per a failed dexcom sensor), so to all you dudes out there- might wanna skip this one.
Okay so, first: That smoothie I drank night before last? I majorly over-bolused for it and ended up with a low that dropped from 66 to 53, even after I treated. I was a little freaked out by that, ended up eating half the kitchen, and had a high BG from 12-4am (in the 200s) according to my dex. *Insert non-paid promotion here* That dex was a life-saver. I would've went to bed with a BG of 106 (what my glucometer read) if I hadn't seen the arrow pointing straight down on my receiver.
So, needless to say, it was a bit of a rough night. Morning dawned with a good BG and I headed out to school. I stopped by work to grab a biscuit, which shot my BG up to the 200's and left it there until lunch time (around lunch time I discovered mother nature had left me her present for the month-possibly the cause of those higher BGs). I took extra insulin for lunch and was still high until I accidentally ripped off my receiver (which still had two more days) and had to change my dexcom site.

Now you see that picture? And where that little girl's transmitter is?

Yeah that didn't really work out for me. Maybe because my skin is thinner there because of stretch-marks from that rapid growth spurt (more like weight gain) of my preteen years. 

So I ripped that site out after I realized the little window had filled up with blood. Ouch. And I wasted a dex transmitter which makes me sad, because I only have three more.

Theeeeen last night the site where I did my Lantus injection bled and I was just like...

Oh well! After all, that's life, right? 

My day diabetes-aside was fine. I got to have lunch with my parents and actually clocked out of work on time. Plus- everyday with Jesus is a good day!

 So don't think I'm trying to be a negative Nancy- just trynna keep it real. 

~Realistic T1D

Dexcom & Smoothies

Absence makes the heart grow fonder... right?

Goodness, sorry for being so MIA, my life has been full lately with school, work, friends and family.

I had a super good day today. Not with my BG's (although that was my fault) but I just had a great attitude all day. The weather here was low seventies, and I was soaking it in after a cold dry winter.

 If you follow me on Insta, you know that my transplant friend loaned me her CGM. I am on week two with it, and, in contrast to the inaccuracy the first couple days I used it, it has been almost spot on this week. I run level all through the night (I'm talkin perfect- 90's) and haven't had it alert me to a low yet! I actually still have yet to experience a night time low- Thank you Jesus! So back to the CGM. I'm learning just how bad of a carb counter I am... When I have exact carb info (right off a box) I raise to around 130, then level out to 100's or 90's, but when I'm guessing....shew momma. I've hit 200's a couple times this week. The reason my BGs were off today? Well there are a couple.
Reason #1) I ate a quinoa bar for breakfast and its like oatmeal- Spikes my BG, then drops below 70 a couple hours later. I know now (thanks to some info from fellow type ones- Yay community!) that I should've had a spoonful of PB or some other protein to prevent that spike and drop.
Reason #2) Reason two is that I made some bad decisions. I ate some trail mix during class and later drank some of a starbuck's frappechino without blousing....... We are just going to leave that at "Do better next time", K?

Even with a funky BG day, I've been a happy girl. My room is clean and half of my laundry is clean and put away (yes, only half. Don't act like your perfect). And I am done with all my major assignments in all 3 of my classes! Now to just tackle finals!

I've been kinda interested in smoothies lately, but discovered I cant handle the ones that contain banana... I just cant do it. Its already such a mushy fruit...mushing it up more in a smoothie...just...bad idea.

So tonight I made my own smoothie concoction (instead of following a recipe)...

• Frozen strawberries
• Fresh blueberries
• Plain greek yogurt
• Unsweetened vanilla almond milk
• Honey
• Vanilla extract

I don't have any measurements, I just threw stuff in. And guess what? Its good! Hurrah!
I bloused 46 carbs, we will see how my BG handles it.
***UPDATE*** Ended up with super bad low right before bed. I'll probably cut that carb count in half next time!!!

I hope to do a Dexcom review pretty soon, and tell yall all about the JDRF women of type one conference I attended last weekend. So hopefully there will be more to come! Stay tuned!

~Slacking T1D

P.S. This weeks resolution? No sweets. And no meals over 45 carbs. That one skirt just isn't fitting right.... ya know what I mean?
P.P.S My Lantus alarm just rang for the third time...should probably add "Take Lantus on time" to the above resolutions...

Identify Yourself

Identify Yourself (Imagine deep male voice at the end of a commercial...). Ive been meaning to write a review on this company and haven't gotten around to it (I know I haven't gotten around to anything on here lately, sorry y'all. More on that later). But new experiences with this company and their customer service has motivated me to finally do this! (*DISCLAIMER* this is not a payed for or promoted review. Its just my honest opinion on a product!)

First, lets talk about ID bracelets for a sec... starting with a list of reasons why I wear one:

1. My mom FREAKS out if I'm not wearing one
2. It decreases my mom's stress levels
3. My mom MAKES me

Okay, okay, those may all be true but here are some legit reasons ;)

1. I have an hour commute to school, one way, at least 2-3 times a week- and I don't always remember to eat breakfast (bad Kelby). In the event of a hypo, I may or may not drive like a drunk. And if I'm driving like that, how in the name of Pete am I going to be able to explain why I am driving like that if I get pulled over? Hopefully, before the cop pulls me out of my car and tries to make me walk the line, he (the cop) will take notice of the giant red Medical Alert symbol on my wrist and NOT arrest me (although, if we are being honest, that would make a TERRIFIC story..*evil laugh*)
2. What if I just randomly pass out in the mall (Or anywhere) when I'm by myself...? O.O

So see, really, my mom is just SMART.

My first medical alert bracelet was green- and awesome. You may remember here where I told y'all how I lost it. So we ordered  new one, complete with a set of interchangeable colorful bands. That worked great! Until the faceplate got so scratched you couldn't even read my name.. a lot of good that would do if I passed out. We discovered it was because my bands were too loose, which caused the bracelet to slide around a lot and get hit on stuff. So my mom (beautiful soul that she is <3) emailed the company to ask why the bracelet was so scratched. They asked us to send it back and then promptly returned a new one with a set of smaller bands FOR FREE. 

Yup. 35 bucks out of their pocket. Well this all would have been great, but the new bands were too small and practically cut off my circulation, so I just stopped wearing it. Which didn't make my mom very happy...so she emailed them once again to figure out how we could fix the problem. Mind you, she never asked them to send us free stuff. At least, not that I know of :b They didn't have any bands that were my exact measurement, so they ended making a bigger plate to compensate for the shorter bands. They sent this plate, in a higher quality metal so it is less likely to get scratched, along with TWO sets of bands (long and short) to me, once again, FOR FREE. Now tell me that's not customer service?! 

Moral of the story?

Check out American Medical ID.

You wont be sorry!

~Satisfied T1D Customer

(All pics are of the newest bracelet, which fits like a charm! Ha, get it, charm?)

Troubleshoot

Current location: bathroom floor of our hotel

Current time: 10:55pm

Last four BG's

1. 7:57pm- 139
2. 8:50pm- 180
3. 10:34pm- 229
4. 10:49pm- 230 *after a bottle of water

 Last meal's carb count? 106 carbs, 7 units of insulin administered.

Cause of high BG? Probably all the processed junk I've been eating on this trip and lack of physical activity due to sitting on my bum in the car.

Ketones? Negative.

Action being taken? Almost finished with my second bottle of water, retesting at 11:05 to see if my BG is still rising or if it's decided to cooperate and drop for me.

Future preventative measures? Lowering carb insulin ratio for lunch and dinner from 15/1 to 12/1, trying if at all possible not to eat as much junk tomorrow and maybe try to get some exercise in.

Why don't you take insulin? Because my endo recommended no insulin before bed right now.

****UPDATE****
BG at 11:05pm is now down to 205. Goodnight folks!

Insurance = Assurance

Last Friday I was super ticked off and upset. Last time we talked to the medical supplier working with us to get my pump, they informed us that they would file with insurance and hopefully my pump would be on its way soon. That was almost a month and half ago. So after playing phone tag for about three days, I finally got the opportunity to ask what in the world was taking so long. The answer... made me mad.

My insurance denied my pump. They said it was because my blood sugar was under such good control. So in their opinion, I don't need a pump.

Obviously, the reps at my insurance company don't have T1D. The pump is not to give me better control because my A1C is bad, my last A1C was 5.6 ( Thank the good Lord!). The pump is so that I don't have to take a shot 4-6 times a day. Its for convenience, so that when I'm running late for school I can grab breakfast, press a couple buttons, and run out the door, instead of having to take the time to prep my needle, pen and skin for an injection. Plus- I just want a pump. Which may be selfish, I just think it would make my life a little easier. So how dare they say I don't need one?? You want me to have an unhealthy lifestyle before you will give me something to help maintain the already healthy situation of blood sugars? That's not fair.

All these thoughts and more have been running through my head the past 4 days. Until about 20 minutes ago.

Scrolling through Instagram I came across a diabetic account (check her out: @diabeticoutrage). One of the posts was about this young lady (the owner of the account) who's income does not support her medical bills, the bills resulting from type 1 diabetes. She posted about running out of Lantus and going without it for two nights, resulting in the development of ketones.

Holy cow. I'm a spoiled brat. Lord, forgive me when I complain about the insurance that gives me the ability to afford the medical supplies that keep me alive. Help me never to take my blessings for granted. I can live without a pump- I cant live without insulin. What a blessing it is to have the assurance that I can afford the supplies that sustain my life. 
~Blessed T1D

P.S. This is the first time I've mentioned Instagram, but I also have an account specifically linked to this blog. Check it out: @alittlebitofinsulin

Lows

When I was first diagnosed I remember thinking, How am I supposed to know when I go low? 
Ah ha ah ha. That was a good joke. Lets talk about low symptoms here for a sec. Thoughts that run through my head during a low:

• I am going to die of starvation
• Holy smokes, these hot flashes though 
• Legs, if you could work properly that'd be great 
• Why is my tongue not coordinating with my brain?

One of my worst lows yet was only 58, I believe, but it was one of those, I need to sit down and recover kind of lows. Our youth were working hard to prep a meal for a fundraiser we were hosting, and I'd been so busy I hadn't caught my early symptoms (fatigue, shakiness). When I finally realized I was low, I corrected with some carbs (duh, what else would I correct with? :b) then had to sit down and take a breather.

Well tonight at work I'm preeetty sure I went low. I was bagging drive through which had been slammed for about two or more hours. I started feeling tired (normal side effect of working in general though), and my legs didn't seem to feel right. Then I started having difficulties concentrating (also not really unusual). I didn't really have time to check my sugar. One, because we were so busy and two, drive through bagging is kind of a coveted position and showing your manager your interested enough to stay put may give you more opportunities to bag later on. Oh the joys of fast food.

Back to the story. I felt like those cartoon characters with the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. The conversation may have went something like this, Devil: "Just drink the Dr Pepper! If you go low you'll pass out!" Angel (or rather, my mothers voice ringing inside my head): "You know you need to check your sugar first, what if your symptoms are all in your head? You could go high later! *GASP*".

Well I drank the Dr. Pepper with nothing to go off of except the fact that I felt like I was trying to go low. I started feeling better though, and I checked my BG as soon as there was a break in the monsoon of cars. 125. Shew! 

Whats your most prominent low symptoms? Have you ever corrected without a number? 

Long Acting Insulin

Lets talk about it for a moment, shall we? Lantus and I have never gotten along. From the first injection at the hospital, to last nights affair. Lets start with the hospital story first.

Well, actually, let me describe long acting insulin's purpose to those of you reading who don't know what it does. Long acting insulin does just as the name implies- it acts over long periods of time to maintain your blood sugar. It absorbs slowly as apposed to fast acting insulin (ex. Humalog or Novalog) which works quickly with your body's digestive system to process your food. Fast acting insulin is takin 4-6 times a day (any time you eat or need and extra insulin boost to bring down a high).You take long acting insulin at the same time every evening and it works throughout the next 24 hours to maintain your BG.

Back to the hospital: Very first injection of Lantus happens the night I am diagnosed. The nurse injects it into the back of my arm and it stings going in (which it is apparently not supposed to do, but all insulin stings going in this gal). 5 minutes later the injection site was still burning, along with welting, and itching. My first thought- Great, I'm allergic to insulin. We call the nurse in there to take a look at my lovely little welt, and she states she's never seen it do that before. She will call the doctor and let us know what to do. She comes back with an icepack and says that the doctor said its just skin sensitivity. So we hold ice on it until it feels better. It did this for days after. I finally bought an icepack and just always had it ready when I took Lantus. Eventually it stopped welting, so that was good.

That was my first experience with LAI (long acting insulin. Your welcome for my made up, unofficial abbreviation :b). I set an alarm on my phone that goes off every night at 10 pm, because I've found I'm not very good at remembering to take Lantus. It frequently gets forgotten, especially when my phone is dead or I go to bed early. Which is a story coming up here in a sec. Before we talk about early bedtimes though, I want to tell another story.

One night, about a month ago, ten o'clock came around and I COULD NOT find my Lantus pen. Like, freak out mode, OH MY WORD what did I do with it. The night before I had taken it at work. I often work a closing shift which puts me getting off around 10:30, if not later, so I take my insulin at work. Another privilege of the pump my friends: No more having to stop in the middle of stuff for Lantus. If only my pump would get here.. another story for another time.

So I cant find my Lantus. I'm freaking out. Of course that was my last pen I had in reserve, and we have no 24 hour pharmacies around us. We called my emergency endo number and the sweet endocrinologist on call at the hospital told me to check my BG every 3-4 hours and inject fast acting insulin according to my sliding scale: "And hopefully you won't get ketones" she adds. Lovely. It was going to be a looong night. Before I went into panic mode, I called work to see if anyone was still there and if they could look to see if my pen was anywhere around. Long story short, my Mom and I made an 11pm trip to CFA to grab my Lantus pen that a coworker had found under one of our coolers. Dumb Kelby. Apparently it fell out of my pocket. BUT, I took Lantus that night and the inevitable all-nighter stabbing catastrophe was avoided.

Now we are to the whole point of this post, with a surprisingly shorter story than those above. I had a headache last night, went to bed at 9pm and accidentally turned of my Lantus alarm in my sleep instead of hitting snooze. Woke up at 7am, realized I HAD NOT taken and Lantus, told my Mom who preceded to say my FULL name in exclamation followed by a, "Check your sugar now!". It was 99. Wow! Gods good, right? I took Lantus right after I checked my sugar, then made it through the day without any major highs or lows. Thank God.

Moral of the story: Lantus hates me. The End.

Support Systems

Today I read over a friends new blog. Her posts are so real and full of raw honesty. She has been T1D for 30 years- she's kinda a pro. She also was recently diagnosed with gastroparesis. You can read more about her and her T1D journey over on her live journal. She is one incredibly strong lady folks.

 I first met her over 6 years ago, when her and her husband brought their little family to church. I connected with her son quick; he was two at the time I believe, and so sweet ; ) Her youngest wasn't but a few weeks old. I don't think I realized right away that she wore a pump, (she was and still is a pro at keeping that thing under wraps ; ) but we knew she had Type 1 diabetes. At the time, I had no idea what T1D was- I just knew the basics like most people. She wore a machine that helped keep her alive, pricked her finger alot, and always had snacks and juice around. As I got closer to her and family, I still never really asked about her diabetes much. Its not like that's who she was, she was just a loving, kind and wonderful friend. I never had an idea the struggles she went through.

I remember one particular time asking about her pump and how it worked. The way she explained it, I thought she just stuck that little piece of tape on and went. I didn't understand the needle part, or the fact that she had to change it constantly and couldn't just whip it off whenever she wanted to. The concept of the cannula was lost on me.

The part that saddens me about all this, is that I didn't care to ask. Sure, I loved her very much and wanted (still want) her to be healthy, but I never really cared to know why she had the machine attached, why she pricked her finger. What was blood glucose? Well who cares as long as she knew what she was doing and how to take of herself? I thought.

Oh my. How very wrong I was.

Larissa is the first person I called when I was diagnosed. We were on our way home from the doctors office to pack for the hospital when I called her. I was completely composed and fine until I heard her sweet voice on the other line- I sobbed so hard I could barely get out any words. I remember saying, (in between sobs) "I'm okay, its really okay. I'm just scared". She was very sweet and reassuring... Although looking back on it now I realize how hard it must have been for her to console. Its not like she could say, Oh its a breeze! You'll do great, no worries!

Throughout this journey Larissa has been one of my rocks. When I was trying to decide on whether I wanted to try a pump, I asked her to show me her site at church one Sunday. She has the whole pumping thing down to a science, I can never even tell where her pump is half the time. She very willingly showed me her site and also her Dexcom. She's always interested in whats going on with my diabetes, and I know she prays for me daily- this means the WORLD to me. Her support has been so fundamental in my acceptance of this disease. I hope she reads this- I LOVE YOU LARISSA!

So I said all that to say this, do you ever feel frustrated with peoples disinterest in this disease? I don't know about you guys, but I love to tell people about type 1 (hopefully this is not an attention-seeking trait, but rather a desire to educate). Sure, it can get awkward, especially when its strangers, but sometimes its just nice to vent on people and explain to them what you have to deal with everyday. Before being diagnosed, I had no real interest in learning about T1D. I like to think, well rather hope, that I am, in general, a pretty compassionate person.

But I have to say this. Even the most compassionate, loving people have NO idea what you face sometimes. That's why support from other T1Ds is crucial. I'm thankful tonight for my support system : ) Larissa is just one the few who have kept me sane through all of this. My family aslo, are always willing to learn and try to understand all the aspects of this disease. I have other friends, great ones that do their best to support me even though they don't necessarily belong to the diabetic community.

Of all those people though, Jesus is my favorite : ))

Burnout

Everyone experiances burn out at some point and area of their life. Work, School, sometimes even family can becoming overwhelming. So whats the solution? Your tired of work or school? Take a vacation. Your family driving you crazy? Go for a drive and put your phone on silent. Tired of having diabetes?..... *cricket*cricket*

You see, when you are tired of pricking your finger, getting bad results, taking injections, counting carbs, lows, highs, inconsistency..... You have to suck it up and move on. You have to deal with it. Because diabetes doesn't take a vacation. You cant call your pancreas and say, "Hey todays my birthday, can you work for just today so I can eat all the junk I want?". Nope. You can eat that cake- go ahead, but bolus first; check your sugar first.

Im barely three months in to this thing. You know the hard part? It doesn't go away. I will have diabetes when I walk across the stage this Saturday and receive my diploma. When I walk into my first college class, diabetes is gonna be there. T1D will walk me down the isle on my wedding day. It will play an instrumental part in me raising my kids.

You know what else? Its OKAY. Sure its hard, sure its dumb, and sure a cure or healing would be fantastic. But until then, I can do this. We can do this. With Gods grace and help, Im gonna keep on chugging, because quitting isn't an option.

The point of this post: Be encouraged. Even when you get burnt out and fed up, just keep on going. Remember, your not alone in any battle you face.

**Random Updates**
Insulet finally called about my pump. Hopefully it won't be much longer till they hook me up, literally! Oh, and Im getting a new medical ID because I took mine off during senior pics and lost it. You know, typical Kelby thing. The good part is, we ordered interchangeable bands with my new one, so I can match it to my outfits ;)

I had my highest BSR since diagnosis last night.. 220 : ( #inexperianceddiabetic I know y'all have WAY higher sugars than that, but thats pretty high for me. I double checked my dinner bolus and following snacks, but I did everything right, sooo just one of those things I guess.

As always, Stay True!

Sisterly Pride

2:01am. She's dilated 5cm. Contractions every minute and a half. And today is my birthday. YAY! What a cool birthday present! Cant wait to smooch his sweet little face...

This is my first all-nighter as a diabetic. I haven't checked my sugar at all yet because I haven't really felt the need to. I was getting sleepy than I drank some Diet Dr Pib (boo for no Diet Dr Pepper-curse you cafeteria) and that caffiene woke me up gooood. Went with Shan (the bro-in-law) downstairs to get his sweatshirt and ended up running all the way to the car and back. It felt GREAT.

Let me just say- my sister is a hero. She has breathed through those contractions like a champ- no epadural! So very proud of her <3 She has an awful good husband too..they make a great team! He is going to have to train my imginary never going to exist future husband. Everything is going smooth and naturally... Praise God! This baby is going to be well loved. Aunt Kelby is going to love him and kiss him and be there for him as long as she lives... cant wait to squeeze his sweet self!

On another random, (litteraly) less sweet note, I have my appointment with the diabetes educator Tuesday! Pump life, here I come!

God is so good. Im so thankful for how he has helped my big Sis. So thankful for how he has helped me EVERYDAY. #GODSGOOD (Oh yes I just hashtagged...deal with it) Hahaha. Its late, k? Its my birthday too.. so gimme a break.