NEEDLES

"Oh my word I hate needles"

"I am legit scared of them"

"I could never give myself shot"

"How do you do that?!"

Cause I would die if didn't Susan. I would die. 😂

Seriously though, I am SO thankful that I was not deathly afraid of needles when I was diagnosed. I remember the first time I gave myself shot. I started to do it, clenched up and drew the needle back right before I hit the skin on my belly. Then I just took a deep breath, and stabbed myself.

I've been doin it ever since 😆

The insulin prescription program accidentally sent me VIALS of insulin this last time. Of course, this was right when my endo office shut down cause of the 'rona and I had limited access to figure out how to fix the problem and get some pens. So, I just called my regular drs office and asked if a nurse could call me in some syringes. "What size?" she asked. "Just the smallest size there is".

SURELY THIS IS NOT THE SMALLEST SIZE KAREN. SURELY.

This is the syringe in comparison to my usual BD pen needles.

Man! I am not scared of needles, but it took a little gumption to stick that sucker in myself. 😆😭

I can honestly barely feel it though *shrug*

Whats the biggest shot you've ever given yourself? I know some of you have to take IM (intramuscular) injections for vitamins and stuff. I know thems BIG 😳

You number ☝ for hitting your thigh with those bad boys!

Because you know I'm all about that pump

All About That Cure | JDRF

AHHHH how cute is this?! Its one of my favorite things! I just wanted to hop on real quick to share how I feel about medical technology (the Omnipod. specifically). I remember feeling so left out when I was first diagnosed because I didn't have all the fancy medical devices that everyone else had. 

Now that I have had those devices, and am unable to use them currently, I have my own opinions. 

I really loved/still love omnipod. I never experienced a tether pump, and I'd like to some time, but ominpod was/is truly awesome. When my insurance stuff got jacked up and I was no longer able to get medical equipment, I still had about 10 pods left. I have kept them and used them on occasion when I've felt burnt out. I have, in recent weeks, lost a lot of my appetite, but I think I've discovered the main cause of this- I'm lazy. 

Here is the succession of events for eating for me during quarantine:

1.  Decide if I am eating carbs 
2.  Make food
3.  Go hunt down my insulin pen or a syringe and vial of insulin (this is sometimes a daunting task, as I have been leaving stuff laying all over creation since I've been home all the time)
4.  Change my needle (maybe or not)
5.  Calculate carbs
6.  Take a shot
7.  Eat

Its honestly exhausting 😆 And I'm honestly just lazy. Plus, I've forgotten my insulin once or twice on the occasions when I have gone out, just because I got used to being at home where everything was readily available. 

So, I put on a leftover pod a couple days ago. HALLELUJAH FREEDOM. Oh man it was nice. Press a couple buttons and BAM insulin on the way and I can go about my life.  

My Endo recently told me that pumps are a "lifestyle" not really a medical necessity. Which I totally get. We decided that I cant wear a pump without wasting 20-30 units of insulin each time I wear one, because I cant use up the minimum amount required for a site change. I really felt like that was my answer on a pump- if it wastes insulin, its not worth it. 

But HOLY SMOKES its just so much easier 😩

I almost feel like my mental sanity is worth that 20-30 unit insulin waste if I ever get good incurance again. 

What are your thoughts?

Quick Humor and Deep Thoughts

Just wanted to hop on here and share this...
I was reading an adventure romance novel the other day where the couple was basically trekking the desserts of Africa. They stopped to sit atop a sand dune for a picnic.
I had this split second thought....
How is she keeping her insulin cold in the dessert? 
I laughed out loud. Then I thought how nice it must be to trek across a dessert and not worry about your blood sugar.
I think it is so crazy how normal these things (diabetes care) can become! To where it is literally ingrained in us that our subconscious automatically imagines every person has to think about the same things.

Sometimes, I think that makes it easier. I know diabetes should never be an "after thought" per say, but it almost becomes completely natural to do all the diabetes things because, well, it has to be natural if we want to live!

There are definitely times that it does not come naturally to me to think about my blood sugar. I eat relatively clean, minus the occasional breakdown/binge, and my blood sugar remains stable and controlled most of the time (Thank the Lord!) so sometimes I truly do forget.

During this quarantine especially, I am out of my routine of taking supplies with me everywhere I go. My sister lives beside us essentially, so we eat dinner and do things with them often. I walked up the hill to her house for dinner with my parents the other night, and then after getting there and sitting down to eat, I realized I didn't bring any insulin.

UGH I was so frustrated to have to walk back home to get it, and by the time I got back they were all mostly done with dinner. Its days like these I wish I had a pump. Its a little harder to forget something that's attached to you 😆

My boyfriend reminds me via phone (we are long distance) to check my BG every night. Without him there are definitely times I forget or just am half asleep and decide I feel fine and don't need to. I know, not safe, but I can count on one hand the times I've went low in the middle of the night.

Either way, since staying home all the time, my blood sugar has been around 120 going to bed every night. I like that predictability! I think its because I'm not eating out and I don't eat processed sugar when I eat at home.

I hope you all are holding up. Know you have my love, thoughts, and prayers!

All the Feels (the good, bad and ugly)

The good: my A1C was like, 5.6 or some craziness and I am in a prescription assistance program so that I can get insulin for free now (more on that later)!

The bad and the ugly, however, is the rest.

I promised in a recent social media post that I would share with you some questions I asked my Endo at a recent visit. Before I do though, I want to explain what drove me to these questions. You need to know a little bit about my insulin needs.

Truth is- I use very little insulin (some of you might know this already) and honestly I have even thought before, "How can I be type 1?" I use so much less insulin than anyone I've ever talked to in the diabetes community. This has always made me feel like an outsider, like a type one that's "not legit". I was recently denied the opportunity to participate in a drug trial that would have been extremely beneficial to me, because my "pancreatic function was too high".

For those of you whose only experience with diabetes is my myself,  here are some numbers for comparison: I can get away with FIVE units of long acting insulin, while some type ones can need as much as THIRTY or even more.

To type ones out there for some perspective, I cant even use up a minimum reservoir on a pump and usually ended up wasting insulin when I wore an omnipod.

Now, all that to say: my endo has told me multiple times I am a classically diagnosed type one with antibodies that prove for sure that I am dealing with autoimmune diabetes. But I wanted to know for sure at this last appointment..... could I get away with not taking insulin?

The answer was a hard no. My endocrinologist told me that because I have the potential to spike to the 300s (no matter how rare it may be) that I must continue insulin therapy. She does not recommend a closed loop system because she does not see it as necessary. She does not know of any pumps with a low enough reservoir to avoid wasting insulin. We cannot do inhalable insulin for mealtime boluses because of the increments it comes in. I absolutely cannot take any oral medicinal replacement for insulin.

So I honestly feel stuck.

Stuck with 4-5 injections a day and destined to be bruised and pricked multiple times a day even though we have technology to prevent (or at least decrease) that.

Oh goodness, I know I should not complain. I am so thankful my diabetes is less work to manage than most peoples. That I sleep good at night. That I do not often deal with crazy swings in my numbers.

But what STINKS is that I STILL have to prick, I still have to stick. I feel like I am teetering on this edge of true illness and faking it, but its a quick fall to reality when I truly do not put forth effort to manage my numbers (even if its less than others have to).

I have a chronic illness. One that will never go away. I have to remind myself of this, because sometimes I don't feel "worthy" to be labeled "type one". Ugh. How DUMB.

Well, there it all is, aired out in the open. I don't understand the purpose or see a point to this, but I'll bet I am not the only one who carries these type of weights.

No matter what I may feel however, the truth that I am sure of deep down in my heart is this: MY STRUGGLES DO NOT DEFINE ME and I should never seek to find contentment by looking around and comparing myself to others.

What happened when Peter started looking around? He SANK. DONT sink. The waves of depression, discontentment, discouragement, sadness, they are all waiting to overtake you.

Remember to look at Jesus. To take his hand. To trust him and whatever he is planning for your life.

Its difficult to explain why needing so little insulin is frustrating and why its hard to be thankful for the positive. I can see how none of this may make sense to someone who doesn't live in my brain.
But oh my friends, hear this: I find comfort in knowing that I can express my feelings, the good the bad and the ugly, to a God who understands and cares about every part of me.

Loving my body (NOT as a plus sized social media influencer or totally toned, protein loving, gym-going junkie)

Okay so I had this grand post idea where I was going to share my current lifestyle choices with food, explain the change in my mentality towards food, and explain my whole journey towards that mentality as well as share how I drink my coffee and eat my salads.

Well I started typing all this and realized it was WAY too much for one post. Ha! So, we are going to start with the back story here in comparison to now, and I'll post soon about coffee and salads. This is where our story starts:

13-17 year old Kelby, when interacting with any girl close to her age:

 "OH MY GOSH if I hear one more girl say she needs to go the gym I am going to smack someone" 

"If one more average sized girl says she is fat again, I will smack myself"

"OH MY WORD YOU LOOK FINE please stop asking me 895 times if your hair looks okay!!"

Granted, this is coming from teenage Kelby. Lemme explain teenage Kelby to those of you who were fortunate enough to miss out on knowing me personally during this time of my life. Lets try to describe me in 4 words...well sentences/phrases and endless parenthesis...: 

1.  Baggy clothes (usually a floor length jean skirt and random patterned shirt)
2. "Messy" buns (Not the cute kind... imagine 4 ft of hair wrapped around itself and secured with ONE pony tail holder)
3.  Total disregard for any current fashions (meaning I probably did the OPPOSITE of what was trendy ON PURPOSE)
4.  Not even attempting to attract the opposite sex or fit in with other girls my age in any way, shape or form

I am not exaggerating. I literally did the opposite of what everyone else did because I detested girls who were hung up on themselves (even though, lets be honest, MOST teenage girls are like this because they are just insecure and trying to figure out life). But I was not like that. I ate all the cupcakes, did all the things that were NOT trendy or attractive, and just bee-bopped through life mostly happy and content with myself. 

I credit my parents and wonderful upbringing with this beautiful mentality, but also slightly faulty perspective of genuinely not caring about my body or looks.

I was dx with type one in 2015, at age 16, at which point I had lost around 10 lbs but easily gained it back with a few extra pounds in the next couple years. Contrary to what you think I'm going to say here, "I realized the importance of diet and exercise and fixed my mindset" I actually kind of spiraled downward. My whole mentality of type one was, "I can eat a cupcake if I want and you cant stop me" in addition to, "This disease doesn't have to control me or affect my lifestyle". Ouch.

That's not altogether wrong, but I was viewing everything SO wrong. My perspective was so twisted.

*Disclaimer: Just because I felt like I could live this way, did not mean I was always comfortable in my own skin. Everyone wants to have a flat stomach, be a certain "goal" weight or look a certain way in that perfect dress. But because my heart condition/perspective wasn't in the right place, I could never achieve what I considered perfection because I was either so afraid of being like every other girl and worrying too much about my body, or too caught up in not being happy with myself that the solution was stress eating or short term binges of exercising when I would get self-conscience. So I was a mess!

I love food.

Lets get that straight. A this point in my life I hated salads 😝, veggies, and anything that was not heavy in carbs and/or fats.

Food became my coping strategy

After a hard day at work, I would hit up a barbeque joint and eat away my feelings with fried chicken, potato wedges, hushpuppies and piles of honey mustard or ranch. (Imma be honest, my mouth is watering rn). I was sucker for sweets, but instead of just enjoying one, I couldn't stop myself and would eat and eat and eat until I just couldn't hold anymore (7-8 cookies later). What a rough spot to be in.

My sisters and mom kept pushing me to eat healthy, which always felt like somewhat of an insult, but was meant with all the good intentions in the world.

My endo told me that because it was easier for me than most people to manage my blood sugars, I should get tighter control of my spikes. I began considering the following:

Co 6:19  "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?"

This was Jesus in response to my (then) perspective on my body: "WHAT?" 😂

Essentially, I began over 6 months ago trying to change my perspective on food. 

 I got on a bandwagon with my sisters and my mom and they helped me, supported me, and cheered me on. I now still get to eat good things, just with less of a focus on living to eat. I will go into more detail on just how I changed my eating habits and what that looks like for my diabetes in a future post, but right now I just want to say this.

I still love food!

I eat a good brownie, piece of cake, or box of french fries every once in awhile. But now, instead of not caring, I also keep in mind how these decisions are affecting my body. My arteries, my heart health, my blood sugar. These reminders help me reign in my tendencies to stress eat or binge sweets. My overall lifestyle has changed, but when I'm eating out or on Holiday I still get to enjoy food because I don't obsess over it. However, I eat GOOD yummy food that is GOOD for me on a daily basis.

Sure, I have lost weight and that's nice, but I am happier all around because I feel better and I know my body is happy because I am taking care of it. My diabetes management is SO much better too! Because I am eating purposefully.

Exercise is still hit or miss, I am not going to lie there. I'm still lazy. So we gotta work on that. 😂

But, what I want you to take away from this is: eating healthy does not mean you have to be obsessed with your appearance or body image. And being obsessed with you appearance or body image is NOT the right reason to eat healthy or change your lifestyle.

LOVING your body does not mean being happy with it being overweight and leading to health complications. You can prove to whomever that you are happy in your skin without being plus size.

Because truly loving your body means TAKING CARE of it. 

Wether that means your weight is a little above average or not. You can rest in knowing that you do what is best for your body regardless of if it lines up with cultural norms.

For me, my body is the temple of Christ. As a Christian, it is my duty to take care of my body to the best of my abilities, because I am commanded to.

So my friend, I hope you can find this happy medium and this beautiful balance like I have. Because I am loving this lifestyle!


P.S. I do actually fix my hair and wear clothes that fit me now (most of the time). Just needed to add that 😆

I almost quit social media AGAIN... and heres why

"No one will follow me if I don't post attractive pictures of me showing off my medical devices" 

"I am not like everyone else because I don't need much insulin, and my sugar stays in range without much effort, and I don't have a pump or CGM"

"I am not a 'true' type one diabetic"

"I am not relatable" 

Shew! Felt good to get that out there! I want to talk about comparing yourself to others... whether that be other diabetics, famous people, or peers. 

All of the phrases I listed above are things my inner self has struggled with, especially upon my recent re-enrtry back into the diabetes world on social media (Instagram specifically). I found myself straight DEPRESSED. Discontent with being device-less, wishing I was more like every other diabetic so I could be relatable, wishing I had more followers, more likes, more comments and better pictures. 

And so I was like, forget this! I was much better off without social media. I was happy with my glucometer and MDIs. I didn't even hardly THINK about having diabetes. Now all the sudden I'm stressed about not having devices, not having enough followers, and being so different from every flourishing diabetic on social media. UGH. 

I had a well-meaning follower tell me one time, "Maybe your a little bit cured!" because I cut out my long acting insulin while on a mission trip. "I would've been in DKA!", she says. 

I was recently refused the opportunity to participate in a clinical drug trial by higher ups because, "My pancreatic function was too high" although my doctor, research coordinator, and diabetes educator agreed I was PERFECT for this study and classically diagnosed type one diabetic (abnormally high GAD antibodies and all). The drug they were testing was supposed to stop or delay the autoimmune process. 

I don't have my pump or CGM right now because I don't have medical insurance, and I was totally fine without them until I got back on Instagram and felt like a total outsider to the diabetes community. 

I have felt like an outsider most of my life, ever since I was old enough to realize how different I am. I dress different than most people because of my personal convictions, I don't do things other people do or go the same places as other people my age. So its not a new feeling. 

When I was first diagnosed I was SO excited to go to a women's conference hosted by our local JDRF chapter. I was 16 (newly diagnosed) and with my mom. All the girls had devices. They all had been diabetic since they were 5 or 6 years old. I felt so, "not in the loop" around these people who I was supposed to share common ground with. This group that was exclusive, with a focus on a rare disease and difficult lifestyle that I and everyone else there had. Surely I should have felt normal here!

But I didn't. And you know what? Its OKAY to be different. Its OKAY to share common ground, but on different levels. Your self worth does not come from how relatable you are to people on social media that you probably don't even know or other diabetics who have better or worse numbers than you.  

Its okay if you take 5 units of Tresiba and have a high carb ratio! Its okay if you need 50 units of long acting and barely any short acting! These things do not make you type one or not type one. I have autoimmune diabetes, and my bet is you do too. I can grantee we are different in how we manage or illness and you know why?  Here's some relieving news: WE DONT LIVE IN THE SAME BODY OR HAVE THE SAME BRAIN! Autoimmune diabetes IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You have little contol over what your body does or does not do.

For me, my fulfillment, my self-worth, and my overall contentment is based in Jesus Christ. Its so easy to look at other people (especially as women) and wish we were just a little skinnier, a little more popular, or had clothes that were a little cuter or more revealing. 

But YOU my friend... YOU are SO much more than what everyone else's social media posts tell you you need to be. You be YOU. You do YOU. 

2 Corinthians 10:12

"For we dare not make ourselves of the number, [for they] comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise"

1 Corinthians 6:20

"For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's"

So whether you are a mom struggling to fit into every mold that every other mom is trying to smoosh you into, or you are a teenager discontent with how you pose for photos, how you look, or what you have to wear, or a diabetic who feels like no one gets you, please remember you are unique, perfect and I think you are AWESOME. 

So I almost quit social media AGAIN. But I didnt. Because I want to keep sharing, learning, and relating in any way that I can.

Larissa and Bailey

Larissa: The sweet, red headed young mom that came to church 13 years ago. Larissa with a tiny newborn girl and 2 year old little boy (who called me his girlfriend by the way for SEVERAL years, but lets not embarrass that NOW 15 year old!). 

Larissa: The type one diabetic that showed me her pump site one time. I remember thinking something crazy about how she changed her site... and I can't exactly remember what I thought but something like she had a thing that stayed in her all the time and she had to tap into it every three days? Like a port? I would later chuckle at the irony of this ignorance. 

Larissa: The first person I called after I left the Drs office with my type one diagnosis close to 8 years after we had met. She cried with me as I tried to explain everything to her through my tears and, "I'm okay I'm just scared".

Larissa: The only person outside of family that I let come see me in the hospital. She brought a stuffed horse and cards with hand drawn pictures from her babies. 

Larissa: The PANCREAS TRANSPLANT SURVIVOR and THRIVER who does not take insulin anymore, but continues to deal with the repercussions of being type one for 30 years before God gave her a new pancreas. 

Bailey: The girl I followed on Instagram when I discovered the massive type one community. She was type one and lived close (I didn't realize how close at the time) and didn't know anyone else with type one. 

Larissa: The oh so considerate and sweet person who I was unaware also followed Bailey. She contacted her (or the other way around) and said hey! we all have something in common, lets get together!

Bailey: The girl who relates to me on a personal level that many cannot. The girl who pulls her checker out before meals, injects insulin the same way I do, and FAWNS with me over Myabetic bags.

Bailey: The girl who offers her extra supply of Humolog when she knows I don't have insurance. The girl that gets and makes diabetes jokes and understands my lingo. The girl who I see barely once a year (but hopefully that will change soon). 

I love you both so much. Your support means the world, your company is precious. There is nothing like being with people who battle with, and for you. So shout out to my friends. My friends who understand. My friends who love to eat carbs with me (YAS queens!). My friends who buy me awesome Christmas presents. My friends who make me feel less alone on this journey. 

Ya'll are the BEST. 

 Bailey

Larissa

A Bloody Mess

The title pretty much sums up my day yesterday. I'm not going to lie- it was kinda a rough day diabetes-wise.
*Disclaimer* This post contains girl-stuff and a lovely little pic of my bloody back (per a failed dexcom sensor), so to all you dudes out there- might wanna skip this one.
Okay so, first: That smoothie I drank night before last? I majorly over-bolused for it and ended up with a low that dropped from 66 to 53, even after I treated. I was a little freaked out by that, ended up eating half the kitchen, and had a high BG from 12-4am (in the 200s) according to my dex. *Insert non-paid promotion here* That dex was a life-saver. I would've went to bed with a BG of 106 (what my glucometer read) if I hadn't seen the arrow pointing straight down on my receiver.
So, needless to say, it was a bit of a rough night. Morning dawned with a good BG and I headed out to school. I stopped by work to grab a biscuit, which shot my BG up to the 200's and left it there until lunch time (around lunch time I discovered mother nature had left me her present for the month-possibly the cause of those higher BGs). I took extra insulin for lunch and was still high until I accidentally ripped off my receiver (which still had two more days) and had to change my dexcom site.

Now you see that picture? And where that little girl's transmitter is?

Yeah that didn't really work out for me. Maybe because my skin is thinner there because of stretch-marks from that rapid growth spurt (more like weight gain) of my preteen years. 

So I ripped that site out after I realized the little window had filled up with blood. Ouch. And I wasted a dex transmitter which makes me sad, because I only have three more.

Theeeeen last night the site where I did my Lantus injection bled and I was just like...

Oh well! After all, that's life, right? 

My day diabetes-aside was fine. I got to have lunch with my parents and actually clocked out of work on time. Plus- everyday with Jesus is a good day!

 So don't think I'm trying to be a negative Nancy- just trynna keep it real. 

~Realistic T1D

Miss Independent

I am obnoxiously independent.

“Did you bolus for that?”

“Should you really be eating that?”

“Have you checked your sugar?”

“What was it?”

All these questions, and the looks of reproof that generally accompany them, bug the snot out of me. This is my body, my disease, let me deal with it. I don’t mind the occasional, “How has your sugar been lately?” or kind comments or questions in regards to how I’ve been feeling, but I hate to be bossed around by certain people. Honestly it only bothers me when it’s my family nagging, or my close friends making an insensitive joke when I eat ice cream. Like, really? Could you not?

Then I realized, Kelby, you are just ignorant. Ignorant to the fact that those questions, comments and concerns, although sometimes not expressed with tact, are the results of genuine concern for your well-being.

Now, I’m not saying this makes all those comments valid, and that there aren’t some things better left unsaid. For example, if you’re going to tease someone for eating sweets, the last person you should do that to is a type 1 diabetic. I don’t mind good natured jokes, and I often engage in them myself, but sometimes it’s not appropriate. The best way to know is to ask the diabetic themselves: “Hey, does this statement bother you?” “Is it okay to talk about this?” If it’s me, you don’t need to worry about asking, I’ll tell you myself if something bothers me, but not everyone is that open, so just ask. Be sensitive.

On the opposite side of that is your family. I don’t know about you- but my family loves me. A lot. They just want me to stay alive and be healthy. Sure, I can’t stand it when my mom looks over my shoulder while I’m checking my BG, and yeah, it can be annoying when my sisters ask if I’ve checked my sugar, but most of the time, it’s just because they really want to be involved in my life, in my battle with this disease. I shouldn’t close them out because they are the people I need the most.

Okay, so, you know how mentioned that phase I went through where I was forgetting and/or just not checking my BG before bedtime? A dangerous habit to say the least. I don’t have a CGM, so the only way to insure I don’t have nighttime lows, is to check my BG immediately before bed.  I came to the conclusion that not doing this could be life-threatening, and it was a habit I really needed to fix. So I asked my mom to remind me, before she went to bed, to check my BG.

The point of this post? Sometimes it’s good to eat a little humble pie, admit when you need help, and accept those aggravating comments a little more readily.

~Still learning T1D

Death by Holidays (goodbye honeymoon phase)

Alright, I don’t know about you guys, but when I’m stressed out, super busy, or on vacation, I get a little lax in my management if you know what I mean. Finals week, Thanksgiving, and Christmas vacation are all perfect examples of this. Finals week was, well, stressful. And when I’m stressed out, I like to eat. I mean, who doesn’t love a good a candy bar when you’re on the brink of mental collapse? (Okay, that may have been a slight exaggeration, but you know what I mean) When I say “lax in management” I don’t mean that I completely stop taking insulin or ignore a bad BG reading. It means that I snack more than I should, don’t check as often as I need to, and fail to stay within my normal carb range. I try to shoot for around 45-60 carbs meal. Well obviously, that goal is not even realistic on Thanksgiving.

Let’s start with Thanksgiving. Lots of food, right? Want a general idea of HOW MUCH food? I took nine units of insulin to account for my loaded down plate. At a bolus ratio of 1-15, that means it was about 135 carbs. Post-Thanksgiving meal, my tummy was NOT happy with me. As a diabetic, I rarely eat until I am stuffed. And this was the first time since the beginning of this year (my diagnosis) that I had really gorged. And oh boy did I pay for it! The stomach cramps that night that followed were NOT pleasant. I can’t remember if I checked my BG before bed or not. Forgetting to check my BG before bed was a bad phase for a while (more on that later). So after Thanksgiving I seemed to be having difficulties staying in range. So I monitored my carb intake, insulin dosage, and BG’s closely for a couple days then decided to bump up my bolus rate. So I started doing a unit to every 12 carbs instead of 15. I also upped my daily injected of Lantus from 5 to 7 units.

So that was Thanksgiving. Now on to Christmas.

Pretty much same story, different holiday. Poor control, snacks, too many carbs, too much food in general, ect, ect. This past week I was out of state visiting a friend before school starts back. All week I kept seeing a reoccurring high post-prandial (after meal) BG. So, I upped my intake again, and tried 1-9 for a couple meals, with results still above my preference. Another bump down, and I seem to be back on level ground with a 1-7 ratio.

Now I’m wondering if I might need to give Lantus another bump up, considering I went to bed last night with a BG of 113, and woke up with a 130.

I said all that to say this: Honeymoon period is obviously either over, or in fast decline, and I can’t help but wonder if I was responsible. Did all that over-eating, inconsistent snacking, and irresponsible management finally send my pancreas over the edge? It’s a question worth asking, but I’m not sure if I’m brave enough to admit all of the above to my endo next week. He’s bound to notice those highs and missing bedtime BG’s. Good thing he is a super nice guy.

 ~Regretful T1D

Type 1 Diabetics Be Like...

We've all been there...You sit down to dinner with a newly acquired friend, work colleague, or your significant others family. *Click* you hit the button and your lancet produces a drop of blood. Immediate gasps, exclamations, and nervous ticks erupt. "Ouch!" *Cringe* "Do you do that every day?!" *Shakes head in pity*

We've all been there.

Like the time I injected insulin in front of a kid at work who gripped his stomach dramatically and jumped about three feet backwards.

Or my brother-in-laws little brother who starts freaking out every time I pull out my insulin pen. "Aw man I cant watch- but I have to! Ahhh man. Geez. Mmm" he proceeds to make grotesque exclamations as if he were watching the 77th Hunger Games unfold.

Lets be honest, sometimes its fun to flip people out, make them think we are tough.

Other times peoples concern/open revulsion is just annoying.

Like the following comments:

Annoying Person: "Does that hurt?" Me (wants to say): No of course not, it feels like a tiny needle massage. Me (actually says): "Yeah, most of the time".

Annoying Person (again. See what I mean?): "I could never do that!" Me (wants to say) : Na your right, you'd probably die. Me (actually says): "You could if you had to".

Kudos to all those T1Ds out there who bravely "Impale" themselves daily without a flinch.

But more kudos to those who aren't afraid to admit it hurts sometimes.

Who are we kidding? We are all stinking awesome.

~Kelby, T1D (a.k.a. Human Pincushion)

An Icee Revelation

So this one time I walked into a gas station and, temporarily forgetting about my (almost) dead pancreas, I came this close to buying a slushy.

1^st thought: *Gasp* those look ah-maz-ing

2^nd thought: It’s hot out, a perfect day for a slushy!

3^rd thought: And they don’t even cost that much!

Then, just as I was getting all worked up, a light bulb went off:

4^th thought: Oh yeah. I have diabetes.

Although I don’t often let this disease limit me when it comes to sweet treats, I had NO idea how to count carbs for a slushy. Not only did I think the amount of carbs would be too much for a normal day treat, I also wasn’t in the mood to take insulin. The thought of avoiding an injection was a more pleasant one than the thought of the cold cherry-coke slushy touching my taste buds.

As before stated, T1D doesn’t usually detour me from devouring sweets. I mean, let’s be honest here, Mickey D’s frappes are my weak point. I think I had three last week (hopefully my Mom’s not reading this…). A small Oreo frappe, my favorite, (thanks a lot person who introduced me- you know who you are) has 82 carbs. A small chocolate chip frappe has 110 carbs, a fact that I discovered yesterday after I already bought one because the Mickey D’s employee informed that they did not have Oreo frappes, even though the picture was clearly displayed on the menu (Uhhh can you say false advertising?!). Although I’m addicted to these things, in all fairness I only get one when I’m out with friends or, like today, traveling. I just happened to hang out with friends a lot last week. Frappes are probably so processed and terrible for me. Ew. I’ve got to kick this habit.

Healthy eating is something I aspire to pursue when I move out and have to buy my own food, but right now I don’t pay for food so I don’t complain, ya know?

Referring back to the slushy story, have you ever almost forgot you had diabetes? It’s all still fresh for me, so I guess it makes sense that I might have a momentary lapse in memory. Or does it?

~Absent minded T1D

Traveling

My blood sugar does not like traveling. Rather, it doesn't like high carb foods and lack of physical exertion. As I'm sure you've figured out, from last nights post and the sentences opening this post, my sugar has been wacky. Mostly high, but today I went low and this why (I think):

• We were eating food prepared at someone's home, so I didn't have an exact carb count
• I corrected for a slightly high BG (163)
• I also tried adjusting my bolus ratio
• I didn't have a calculator so I had to guess when dividing my carbs

So I corrected, but didn't re-check (I know, bad Kelby). In all fairness though, I was in a vehicle and I couldn't even wash my hands to check. When I corrected, my glucometer stated my BG was 88 but I knew better than that. I was pretty sure I was dropping fast, so I drank some juice. It was the lesser of two evils. I mean, don't correct and pass out, or correct without an exact number because I couldn't wash my hands, ya know? I ate some chips just a bit ago and didn't count or bolus for them. I had maybe a handful. 18 chips=19 carbs. I can have a 15 carb snack twice a day, so I figured the amount I ate was around that. Well I just checked and I was a little high, but feeling like I'm climbing. *Sigh*. Can't wait to get home and hopefully get this wackiness straightened out!

If these kinds of posts are annoying, just let me know. Ill move on to more relatable stuff eventually.

~Apologetic T1D

Troubleshoot

Current location: bathroom floor of our hotel

Current time: 10:55pm

Last four BG's

1. 7:57pm- 139
2. 8:50pm- 180
3. 10:34pm- 229
4. 10:49pm- 230 *after a bottle of water

 Last meal's carb count? 106 carbs, 7 units of insulin administered.

Cause of high BG? Probably all the processed junk I've been eating on this trip and lack of physical activity due to sitting on my bum in the car.

Ketones? Negative.

Action being taken? Almost finished with my second bottle of water, retesting at 11:05 to see if my BG is still rising or if it's decided to cooperate and drop for me.

Future preventative measures? Lowering carb insulin ratio for lunch and dinner from 15/1 to 12/1, trying if at all possible not to eat as much junk tomorrow and maybe try to get some exercise in.

Why don't you take insulin? Because my endo recommended no insulin before bed right now.

****UPDATE****
BG at 11:05pm is now down to 205. Goodnight folks!

Insurance = Assurance

Last Friday I was super ticked off and upset. Last time we talked to the medical supplier working with us to get my pump, they informed us that they would file with insurance and hopefully my pump would be on its way soon. That was almost a month and half ago. So after playing phone tag for about three days, I finally got the opportunity to ask what in the world was taking so long. The answer... made me mad.

My insurance denied my pump. They said it was because my blood sugar was under such good control. So in their opinion, I don't need a pump.

Obviously, the reps at my insurance company don't have T1D. The pump is not to give me better control because my A1C is bad, my last A1C was 5.6 ( Thank the good Lord!). The pump is so that I don't have to take a shot 4-6 times a day. Its for convenience, so that when I'm running late for school I can grab breakfast, press a couple buttons, and run out the door, instead of having to take the time to prep my needle, pen and skin for an injection. Plus- I just want a pump. Which may be selfish, I just think it would make my life a little easier. So how dare they say I don't need one?? You want me to have an unhealthy lifestyle before you will give me something to help maintain the already healthy situation of blood sugars? That's not fair.

All these thoughts and more have been running through my head the past 4 days. Until about 20 minutes ago.

Scrolling through Instagram I came across a diabetic account (check her out: @diabeticoutrage). One of the posts was about this young lady (the owner of the account) who's income does not support her medical bills, the bills resulting from type 1 diabetes. She posted about running out of Lantus and going without it for two nights, resulting in the development of ketones.

Holy cow. I'm a spoiled brat. Lord, forgive me when I complain about the insurance that gives me the ability to afford the medical supplies that keep me alive. Help me never to take my blessings for granted. I can live without a pump- I cant live without insulin. What a blessing it is to have the assurance that I can afford the supplies that sustain my life. 
~Blessed T1D

P.S. This is the first time I've mentioned Instagram, but I also have an account specifically linked to this blog. Check it out: @alittlebitofinsulin

Lows

When I was first diagnosed I remember thinking, How am I supposed to know when I go low? 
Ah ha ah ha. That was a good joke. Lets talk about low symptoms here for a sec. Thoughts that run through my head during a low:

• I am going to die of starvation
• Holy smokes, these hot flashes though 
• Legs, if you could work properly that'd be great 
• Why is my tongue not coordinating with my brain?

One of my worst lows yet was only 58, I believe, but it was one of those, I need to sit down and recover kind of lows. Our youth were working hard to prep a meal for a fundraiser we were hosting, and I'd been so busy I hadn't caught my early symptoms (fatigue, shakiness). When I finally realized I was low, I corrected with some carbs (duh, what else would I correct with? :b) then had to sit down and take a breather.

Well tonight at work I'm preeetty sure I went low. I was bagging drive through which had been slammed for about two or more hours. I started feeling tired (normal side effect of working in general though), and my legs didn't seem to feel right. Then I started having difficulties concentrating (also not really unusual). I didn't really have time to check my sugar. One, because we were so busy and two, drive through bagging is kind of a coveted position and showing your manager your interested enough to stay put may give you more opportunities to bag later on. Oh the joys of fast food.

Back to the story. I felt like those cartoon characters with the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. The conversation may have went something like this, Devil: "Just drink the Dr Pepper! If you go low you'll pass out!" Angel (or rather, my mothers voice ringing inside my head): "You know you need to check your sugar first, what if your symptoms are all in your head? You could go high later! *GASP*".

Well I drank the Dr. Pepper with nothing to go off of except the fact that I felt like I was trying to go low. I started feeling better though, and I checked my BG as soon as there was a break in the monsoon of cars. 125. Shew! 

Whats your most prominent low symptoms? Have you ever corrected without a number? 

Support Systems

Today I read over a friends new blog. Her posts are so real and full of raw honesty. She has been T1D for 30 years- she's kinda a pro. She also was recently diagnosed with gastroparesis. You can read more about her and her T1D journey over on her live journal. She is one incredibly strong lady folks.

 I first met her over 6 years ago, when her and her husband brought their little family to church. I connected with her son quick; he was two at the time I believe, and so sweet ; ) Her youngest wasn't but a few weeks old. I don't think I realized right away that she wore a pump, (she was and still is a pro at keeping that thing under wraps ; ) but we knew she had Type 1 diabetes. At the time, I had no idea what T1D was- I just knew the basics like most people. She wore a machine that helped keep her alive, pricked her finger alot, and always had snacks and juice around. As I got closer to her and family, I still never really asked about her diabetes much. Its not like that's who she was, she was just a loving, kind and wonderful friend. I never had an idea the struggles she went through.

I remember one particular time asking about her pump and how it worked. The way she explained it, I thought she just stuck that little piece of tape on and went. I didn't understand the needle part, or the fact that she had to change it constantly and couldn't just whip it off whenever she wanted to. The concept of the cannula was lost on me.

The part that saddens me about all this, is that I didn't care to ask. Sure, I loved her very much and wanted (still want) her to be healthy, but I never really cared to know why she had the machine attached, why she pricked her finger. What was blood glucose? Well who cares as long as she knew what she was doing and how to take of herself? I thought.

Oh my. How very wrong I was.

Larissa is the first person I called when I was diagnosed. We were on our way home from the doctors office to pack for the hospital when I called her. I was completely composed and fine until I heard her sweet voice on the other line- I sobbed so hard I could barely get out any words. I remember saying, (in between sobs) "I'm okay, its really okay. I'm just scared". She was very sweet and reassuring... Although looking back on it now I realize how hard it must have been for her to console. Its not like she could say, Oh its a breeze! You'll do great, no worries!

Throughout this journey Larissa has been one of my rocks. When I was trying to decide on whether I wanted to try a pump, I asked her to show me her site at church one Sunday. She has the whole pumping thing down to a science, I can never even tell where her pump is half the time. She very willingly showed me her site and also her Dexcom. She's always interested in whats going on with my diabetes, and I know she prays for me daily- this means the WORLD to me. Her support has been so fundamental in my acceptance of this disease. I hope she reads this- I LOVE YOU LARISSA!

So I said all that to say this, do you ever feel frustrated with peoples disinterest in this disease? I don't know about you guys, but I love to tell people about type 1 (hopefully this is not an attention-seeking trait, but rather a desire to educate). Sure, it can get awkward, especially when its strangers, but sometimes its just nice to vent on people and explain to them what you have to deal with everyday. Before being diagnosed, I had no real interest in learning about T1D. I like to think, well rather hope, that I am, in general, a pretty compassionate person.

But I have to say this. Even the most compassionate, loving people have NO idea what you face sometimes. That's why support from other T1Ds is crucial. I'm thankful tonight for my support system : ) Larissa is just one the few who have kept me sane through all of this. My family aslo, are always willing to learn and try to understand all the aspects of this disease. I have other friends, great ones that do their best to support me even though they don't necessarily belong to the diabetic community.

Of all those people though, Jesus is my favorite : ))

BAD Days

Have you ever had a bad day with diabetes? Not a bad day as in, my numbers are all over the place and I have no idea why because Ive done everything right, but a bad day as in, wow I ate too many carbs, didn't check my BG when I should have and didn't inject at the right time. Its about to get real y'all...

My BG is currently 235. You know why? I ate out all day, for starters. A biscuit for breakfast, a burger and fries for lunch, and Japanese for dinner. I also had ice cream after lunch, and a Klondike bar after dinner. I'm sharing this, not because I am unashamed, because certainly anyone who is as glutenous as I was today should feel a little remorse, but because I want you to know that sometimes a lot of times I mess up. 

My sugar likes to go high on Sunday evenings anyhow, so when I checked my BG before eating out with a friend this evening, it was no surprise I was tad high (166). I bolused as well as I could without an exact carb count, and ate, probably using too much shrimp sauce (contributing factor #1). Then, we stopped by Walmart and I bought Klondike bars (bad decision #2). I remembered I had forgotten to give a correction dose at suppertime so I injected 3 units for 28 carbs instead of two. Pretty rough management here folks- but I'm not done yet. When it came time for my nightly Lantus injection, my friend and I were in the middle of a movie. So what did I do? Put that off until 11pm, when I should have given it at 10 (bad choice #3). 

So this explains why my sugar is high and why I am a failure. Does anyone else ever just NOT care? Of course I care to certain extent, I don't want to go blind, lose limbs or go into kidney failure, but are there times in anyone elses life where you just wish diabetes didn't have to be the center of attention? That you could be careless and get good results? 

Unfortunately, this is not the way life works. In order to obtain good results you have to work hard.
"Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with all thy might".
Here's to a better controlled tomorrow.