True to ones own personality, spirit, or character
I don't struggle with the later. I feel like 98% of the time I am not afraid of being myself, and all that that encompasses. Even when that might mean drawing attention to myself and standing out, I've never minded being my normal, outgoing self. I've never minded the attention from dressing different and acting different as a Christian. Do you know what is hard for me though?
Being REAL about diabetes on my social media platforms.
I don't mind being real with other diabetics, they get it you know? They don't see it as grumbling or complaining or feel sorry for the lot you've been dealt. They are just like, "Yeah girl! Tell me about it! I get it! It stinks!" without all the extra emotions and sad, "I'm sorry you have to deal with this" comments.
My diabetes Instagram page is public. That means that most you seeing/liking my posts are family and friends. Honestly, I just HATE being real with those people. I hate being vulnerable, feeing like I am posting about my difficulties for attention, or wondering if people feel sorry for me.
Even in the hospital at 16, I didn't want the boy I was talking to to come see me in the hospital. I felt exposed, vulnerable and weak.
The truth is, no matter how well controlled you are, diabetes is HARD. No matter how cute and fun you try to make it, it's still multiple daily injections and squeezing blood out of your finger on the regular. Its still laying down at night wondering if its okay to go to sleep at 90 without a snack because you aren't sure you'll wake up if you go low. It still putting things on hold to check, bolus and rest when your body says you need to.
I don't like that. I want to do whatever I want without worrying, I want to be independent, I don't want everyone to know how serious it is, because I can't stand being fussed over.
I don't HIDE my diabetes, and I am not ashamed of it. But I am afraid of showing my weaknesses. Afraid to admit that sometimes I need a reminder to check my sugar, I need someone to run and grab me a snack. I HATE feeling dependent on other people.
As a Christian, I strive to, "Do all things without murmuring and complaining" (Philippians 2:14-15). If I show I struggle, doesn't that mean I undermine God's ability to keep me? If I admit I am depressed and frustrated, doesn't that show I'm not fully surrendering my emotions to Christ?
The truth is, its easier to act like I have it all together. Its less embarrassing then being open and real about my daily life. But who is that helping? If people never know my weaknesses how can they ever see Christs redeeming power and strength? If I never show I'm struggling, how can people ever know I have been delivered?
So here it is. I commit to you, my readers and followers, to try not to second guess my raw and real confessions. I commit to you to do my best to expose what life is truly like for me some days. I also commit, to always give the glory back to God for keeping me on those days!
I challenge you, whatever your struggles are, to be open and honest about them. Shed light on them. When it is brought into the light it can be dealt with! When exposed it is no longer a dark, hidden, thing, but something that is lit and can be explored and handled.
No comments:
Post a Comment