Swing Low

Actually, please don't.

"If you are dating a girl who carries around juice boxes she's either too young for you or diabetic"

I've went low at least once everyday for the past four days. Mostly just due to over-blousing, not having the right carb count, or my eyes being bigger than my stomach. No matter the cause, it is less than pleasant.

I think everyone must experience lows differently. I have a friend who says they make her want to go sleep. Most people say they get super hungry. Others say they get sweaty and shaky. I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but when I'm low my chest gets tight. I start breathing really quick and heavy and I have a hard time organizing/expressing my thoughts. Sometimes I get really goofy, other times I'm really grumpy. Sometimes I have a hot flash, other times I cant walk straight. 

What are your low symptoms? 

*This is a post that was written in 2015 but is just now being published ;)

I'll add to this (in 2020) that I have had a few ROUGH lows. One time I pre-bolused at a restaurant that is usually really fast and they took WAY too long to bring food and I thought I would pass out. I was soaked in sweat by the time I flagged down a waitress to bring me something to treat. Often times if I get below 60, I have to lay in the floor or on a table to keep from paniking and over-correcting until the feeling of death passes. 

What are some of your low stories? 

Loving my body (NOT as a plus sized social media influencer or totally toned, protein loving, gym-going junkie)

Okay so I had this grand post idea where I was going to share my current lifestyle choices with food, explain the change in my mentality towards food, and explain my whole journey towards that mentality as well as share how I drink my coffee and eat my salads.

Well I started typing all this and realized it was WAY too much for one post. Ha! So, we are going to start with the back story here in comparison to now, and I'll post soon about coffee and salads. This is where our story starts:

13-17 year old Kelby, when interacting with any girl close to her age:

 "OH MY GOSH if I hear one more girl say she needs to go the gym I am going to smack someone" 

"If one more average sized girl says she is fat again, I will smack myself"

"OH MY WORD YOU LOOK FINE please stop asking me 895 times if your hair looks okay!!"

Granted, this is coming from teenage Kelby. Lemme explain teenage Kelby to those of you who were fortunate enough to miss out on knowing me personally during this time of my life. Lets try to describe me in 4 words...well sentences/phrases and endless parenthesis...: 

1.  Baggy clothes (usually a floor length jean skirt and random patterned shirt)
2. "Messy" buns (Not the cute kind... imagine 4 ft of hair wrapped around itself and secured with ONE pony tail holder)
3.  Total disregard for any current fashions (meaning I probably did the OPPOSITE of what was trendy ON PURPOSE)
4.  Not even attempting to attract the opposite sex or fit in with other girls my age in any way, shape or form

I am not exaggerating. I literally did the opposite of what everyone else did because I detested girls who were hung up on themselves (even though, lets be honest, MOST teenage girls are like this because they are just insecure and trying to figure out life). But I was not like that. I ate all the cupcakes, did all the things that were NOT trendy or attractive, and just bee-bopped through life mostly happy and content with myself. 

I credit my parents and wonderful upbringing with this beautiful mentality, but also slightly faulty perspective of genuinely not caring about my body or looks.

I was dx with type one in 2015, at age 16, at which point I had lost around 10 lbs but easily gained it back with a few extra pounds in the next couple years. Contrary to what you think I'm going to say here, "I realized the importance of diet and exercise and fixed my mindset" I actually kind of spiraled downward. My whole mentality of type one was, "I can eat a cupcake if I want and you cant stop me" in addition to, "This disease doesn't have to control me or affect my lifestyle". Ouch.

That's not altogether wrong, but I was viewing everything SO wrong. My perspective was so twisted.

*Disclaimer: Just because I felt like I could live this way, did not mean I was always comfortable in my own skin. Everyone wants to have a flat stomach, be a certain "goal" weight or look a certain way in that perfect dress. But because my heart condition/perspective wasn't in the right place, I could never achieve what I considered perfection because I was either so afraid of being like every other girl and worrying too much about my body, or too caught up in not being happy with myself that the solution was stress eating or short term binges of exercising when I would get self-conscience. So I was a mess!

I love food.

Lets get that straight. A this point in my life I hated salads 😝, veggies, and anything that was not heavy in carbs and/or fats.

Food became my coping strategy

After a hard day at work, I would hit up a barbeque joint and eat away my feelings with fried chicken, potato wedges, hushpuppies and piles of honey mustard or ranch. (Imma be honest, my mouth is watering rn). I was sucker for sweets, but instead of just enjoying one, I couldn't stop myself and would eat and eat and eat until I just couldn't hold anymore (7-8 cookies later). What a rough spot to be in.

My sisters and mom kept pushing me to eat healthy, which always felt like somewhat of an insult, but was meant with all the good intentions in the world.

My endo told me that because it was easier for me than most people to manage my blood sugars, I should get tighter control of my spikes. I began considering the following:

Co 6:19  "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?"

This was Jesus in response to my (then) perspective on my body: "WHAT?" 😂

Essentially, I began over 6 months ago trying to change my perspective on food. 

 I got on a bandwagon with my sisters and my mom and they helped me, supported me, and cheered me on. I now still get to eat good things, just with less of a focus on living to eat. I will go into more detail on just how I changed my eating habits and what that looks like for my diabetes in a future post, but right now I just want to say this.

I still love food!

I eat a good brownie, piece of cake, or box of french fries every once in awhile. But now, instead of not caring, I also keep in mind how these decisions are affecting my body. My arteries, my heart health, my blood sugar. These reminders help me reign in my tendencies to stress eat or binge sweets. My overall lifestyle has changed, but when I'm eating out or on Holiday I still get to enjoy food because I don't obsess over it. However, I eat GOOD yummy food that is GOOD for me on a daily basis.

Sure, I have lost weight and that's nice, but I am happier all around because I feel better and I know my body is happy because I am taking care of it. My diabetes management is SO much better too! Because I am eating purposefully.

Exercise is still hit or miss, I am not going to lie there. I'm still lazy. So we gotta work on that. 😂

But, what I want you to take away from this is: eating healthy does not mean you have to be obsessed with your appearance or body image. And being obsessed with you appearance or body image is NOT the right reason to eat healthy or change your lifestyle.

LOVING your body does not mean being happy with it being overweight and leading to health complications. You can prove to whomever that you are happy in your skin without being plus size.

Because truly loving your body means TAKING CARE of it. 

Wether that means your weight is a little above average or not. You can rest in knowing that you do what is best for your body regardless of if it lines up with cultural norms.

For me, my body is the temple of Christ. As a Christian, it is my duty to take care of my body to the best of my abilities, because I am commanded to.

So my friend, I hope you can find this happy medium and this beautiful balance like I have. Because I am loving this lifestyle!


P.S. I do actually fix my hair and wear clothes that fit me now (most of the time). Just needed to add that 😆

I almost quit social media AGAIN... and heres why

"No one will follow me if I don't post attractive pictures of me showing off my medical devices" 

"I am not like everyone else because I don't need much insulin, and my sugar stays in range without much effort, and I don't have a pump or CGM"

"I am not a 'true' type one diabetic"

"I am not relatable" 

Shew! Felt good to get that out there! I want to talk about comparing yourself to others... whether that be other diabetics, famous people, or peers. 

All of the phrases I listed above are things my inner self has struggled with, especially upon my recent re-enrtry back into the diabetes world on social media (Instagram specifically). I found myself straight DEPRESSED. Discontent with being device-less, wishing I was more like every other diabetic so I could be relatable, wishing I had more followers, more likes, more comments and better pictures. 

And so I was like, forget this! I was much better off without social media. I was happy with my glucometer and MDIs. I didn't even hardly THINK about having diabetes. Now all the sudden I'm stressed about not having devices, not having enough followers, and being so different from every flourishing diabetic on social media. UGH. 

I had a well-meaning follower tell me one time, "Maybe your a little bit cured!" because I cut out my long acting insulin while on a mission trip. "I would've been in DKA!", she says. 

I was recently refused the opportunity to participate in a clinical drug trial by higher ups because, "My pancreatic function was too high" although my doctor, research coordinator, and diabetes educator agreed I was PERFECT for this study and classically diagnosed type one diabetic (abnormally high GAD antibodies and all). The drug they were testing was supposed to stop or delay the autoimmune process. 

I don't have my pump or CGM right now because I don't have medical insurance, and I was totally fine without them until I got back on Instagram and felt like a total outsider to the diabetes community. 

I have felt like an outsider most of my life, ever since I was old enough to realize how different I am. I dress different than most people because of my personal convictions, I don't do things other people do or go the same places as other people my age. So its not a new feeling. 

When I was first diagnosed I was SO excited to go to a women's conference hosted by our local JDRF chapter. I was 16 (newly diagnosed) and with my mom. All the girls had devices. They all had been diabetic since they were 5 or 6 years old. I felt so, "not in the loop" around these people who I was supposed to share common ground with. This group that was exclusive, with a focus on a rare disease and difficult lifestyle that I and everyone else there had. Surely I should have felt normal here!

But I didn't. And you know what? Its OKAY to be different. Its OKAY to share common ground, but on different levels. Your self worth does not come from how relatable you are to people on social media that you probably don't even know or other diabetics who have better or worse numbers than you.  

Its okay if you take 5 units of Tresiba and have a high carb ratio! Its okay if you need 50 units of long acting and barely any short acting! These things do not make you type one or not type one. I have autoimmune diabetes, and my bet is you do too. I can grantee we are different in how we manage or illness and you know why?  Here's some relieving news: WE DONT LIVE IN THE SAME BODY OR HAVE THE SAME BRAIN! Autoimmune diabetes IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You have little contol over what your body does or does not do.

For me, my fulfillment, my self-worth, and my overall contentment is based in Jesus Christ. Its so easy to look at other people (especially as women) and wish we were just a little skinnier, a little more popular, or had clothes that were a little cuter or more revealing. 

But YOU my friend... YOU are SO much more than what everyone else's social media posts tell you you need to be. You be YOU. You do YOU. 

2 Corinthians 10:12

"For we dare not make ourselves of the number, [for they] comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise"

1 Corinthians 6:20

"For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's"

So whether you are a mom struggling to fit into every mold that every other mom is trying to smoosh you into, or you are a teenager discontent with how you pose for photos, how you look, or what you have to wear, or a diabetic who feels like no one gets you, please remember you are unique, perfect and I think you are AWESOME. 

So I almost quit social media AGAIN. But I didnt. Because I want to keep sharing, learning, and relating in any way that I can.

Larissa and Bailey

Larissa: The sweet, red headed young mom that came to church 13 years ago. Larissa with a tiny newborn girl and 2 year old little boy (who called me his girlfriend by the way for SEVERAL years, but lets not embarrass that NOW 15 year old!). 

Larissa: The type one diabetic that showed me her pump site one time. I remember thinking something crazy about how she changed her site... and I can't exactly remember what I thought but something like she had a thing that stayed in her all the time and she had to tap into it every three days? Like a port? I would later chuckle at the irony of this ignorance. 

Larissa: The first person I called after I left the Drs office with my type one diagnosis close to 8 years after we had met. She cried with me as I tried to explain everything to her through my tears and, "I'm okay I'm just scared".

Larissa: The only person outside of family that I let come see me in the hospital. She brought a stuffed horse and cards with hand drawn pictures from her babies. 

Larissa: The PANCREAS TRANSPLANT SURVIVOR and THRIVER who does not take insulin anymore, but continues to deal with the repercussions of being type one for 30 years before God gave her a new pancreas. 

Bailey: The girl I followed on Instagram when I discovered the massive type one community. She was type one and lived close (I didn't realize how close at the time) and didn't know anyone else with type one. 

Larissa: The oh so considerate and sweet person who I was unaware also followed Bailey. She contacted her (or the other way around) and said hey! we all have something in common, lets get together!

Bailey: The girl who relates to me on a personal level that many cannot. The girl who pulls her checker out before meals, injects insulin the same way I do, and FAWNS with me over Myabetic bags.

Bailey: The girl who offers her extra supply of Humolog when she knows I don't have insurance. The girl that gets and makes diabetes jokes and understands my lingo. The girl who I see barely once a year (but hopefully that will change soon). 

I love you both so much. Your support means the world, your company is precious. There is nothing like being with people who battle with, and for you. So shout out to my friends. My friends who understand. My friends who love to eat carbs with me (YAS queens!). My friends who buy me awesome Christmas presents. My friends who make me feel less alone on this journey. 

Ya'll are the BEST. 

 Bailey

Larissa

Type 1 Diabetics Be Like...

We've all been there...You sit down to dinner with a newly acquired friend, work colleague, or your significant others family. *Click* you hit the button and your lancet produces a drop of blood. Immediate gasps, exclamations, and nervous ticks erupt. "Ouch!" *Cringe* "Do you do that every day?!" *Shakes head in pity*

We've all been there.

Like the time I injected insulin in front of a kid at work who gripped his stomach dramatically and jumped about three feet backwards.

Or my brother-in-laws little brother who starts freaking out every time I pull out my insulin pen. "Aw man I cant watch- but I have to! Ahhh man. Geez. Mmm" he proceeds to make grotesque exclamations as if he were watching the 77th Hunger Games unfold.

Lets be honest, sometimes its fun to flip people out, make them think we are tough.

Other times peoples concern/open revulsion is just annoying.

Like the following comments:

Annoying Person: "Does that hurt?" Me (wants to say): No of course not, it feels like a tiny needle massage. Me (actually says): "Yeah, most of the time".

Annoying Person (again. See what I mean?): "I could never do that!" Me (wants to say) : Na your right, you'd probably die. Me (actually says): "You could if you had to".

Kudos to all those T1Ds out there who bravely "Impale" themselves daily without a flinch.

But more kudos to those who aren't afraid to admit it hurts sometimes.

Who are we kidding? We are all stinking awesome.

~Kelby, T1D (a.k.a. Human Pincushion)

Long Acting Insulin

Lets talk about it for a moment, shall we? Lantus and I have never gotten along. From the first injection at the hospital, to last nights affair. Lets start with the hospital story first.

Well, actually, let me describe long acting insulin's purpose to those of you reading who don't know what it does. Long acting insulin does just as the name implies- it acts over long periods of time to maintain your blood sugar. It absorbs slowly as apposed to fast acting insulin (ex. Humalog or Novalog) which works quickly with your body's digestive system to process your food. Fast acting insulin is takin 4-6 times a day (any time you eat or need and extra insulin boost to bring down a high).You take long acting insulin at the same time every evening and it works throughout the next 24 hours to maintain your BG.

Back to the hospital: Very first injection of Lantus happens the night I am diagnosed. The nurse injects it into the back of my arm and it stings going in (which it is apparently not supposed to do, but all insulin stings going in this gal). 5 minutes later the injection site was still burning, along with welting, and itching. My first thought- Great, I'm allergic to insulin. We call the nurse in there to take a look at my lovely little welt, and she states she's never seen it do that before. She will call the doctor and let us know what to do. She comes back with an icepack and says that the doctor said its just skin sensitivity. So we hold ice on it until it feels better. It did this for days after. I finally bought an icepack and just always had it ready when I took Lantus. Eventually it stopped welting, so that was good.

That was my first experience with LAI (long acting insulin. Your welcome for my made up, unofficial abbreviation :b). I set an alarm on my phone that goes off every night at 10 pm, because I've found I'm not very good at remembering to take Lantus. It frequently gets forgotten, especially when my phone is dead or I go to bed early. Which is a story coming up here in a sec. Before we talk about early bedtimes though, I want to tell another story.

One night, about a month ago, ten o'clock came around and I COULD NOT find my Lantus pen. Like, freak out mode, OH MY WORD what did I do with it. The night before I had taken it at work. I often work a closing shift which puts me getting off around 10:30, if not later, so I take my insulin at work. Another privilege of the pump my friends: No more having to stop in the middle of stuff for Lantus. If only my pump would get here.. another story for another time.

So I cant find my Lantus. I'm freaking out. Of course that was my last pen I had in reserve, and we have no 24 hour pharmacies around us. We called my emergency endo number and the sweet endocrinologist on call at the hospital told me to check my BG every 3-4 hours and inject fast acting insulin according to my sliding scale: "And hopefully you won't get ketones" she adds. Lovely. It was going to be a looong night. Before I went into panic mode, I called work to see if anyone was still there and if they could look to see if my pen was anywhere around. Long story short, my Mom and I made an 11pm trip to CFA to grab my Lantus pen that a coworker had found under one of our coolers. Dumb Kelby. Apparently it fell out of my pocket. BUT, I took Lantus that night and the inevitable all-nighter stabbing catastrophe was avoided.

Now we are to the whole point of this post, with a surprisingly shorter story than those above. I had a headache last night, went to bed at 9pm and accidentally turned of my Lantus alarm in my sleep instead of hitting snooze. Woke up at 7am, realized I HAD NOT taken and Lantus, told my Mom who preceded to say my FULL name in exclamation followed by a, "Check your sugar now!". It was 99. Wow! Gods good, right? I took Lantus right after I checked my sugar, then made it through the day without any major highs or lows. Thank God.

Moral of the story: Lantus hates me. The End.

Support Systems

Today I read over a friends new blog. Her posts are so real and full of raw honesty. She has been T1D for 30 years- she's kinda a pro. She also was recently diagnosed with gastroparesis. You can read more about her and her T1D journey over on her live journal. She is one incredibly strong lady folks.

 I first met her over 6 years ago, when her and her husband brought their little family to church. I connected with her son quick; he was two at the time I believe, and so sweet ; ) Her youngest wasn't but a few weeks old. I don't think I realized right away that she wore a pump, (she was and still is a pro at keeping that thing under wraps ; ) but we knew she had Type 1 diabetes. At the time, I had no idea what T1D was- I just knew the basics like most people. She wore a machine that helped keep her alive, pricked her finger alot, and always had snacks and juice around. As I got closer to her and family, I still never really asked about her diabetes much. Its not like that's who she was, she was just a loving, kind and wonderful friend. I never had an idea the struggles she went through.

I remember one particular time asking about her pump and how it worked. The way she explained it, I thought she just stuck that little piece of tape on and went. I didn't understand the needle part, or the fact that she had to change it constantly and couldn't just whip it off whenever she wanted to. The concept of the cannula was lost on me.

The part that saddens me about all this, is that I didn't care to ask. Sure, I loved her very much and wanted (still want) her to be healthy, but I never really cared to know why she had the machine attached, why she pricked her finger. What was blood glucose? Well who cares as long as she knew what she was doing and how to take of herself? I thought.

Oh my. How very wrong I was.

Larissa is the first person I called when I was diagnosed. We were on our way home from the doctors office to pack for the hospital when I called her. I was completely composed and fine until I heard her sweet voice on the other line- I sobbed so hard I could barely get out any words. I remember saying, (in between sobs) "I'm okay, its really okay. I'm just scared". She was very sweet and reassuring... Although looking back on it now I realize how hard it must have been for her to console. Its not like she could say, Oh its a breeze! You'll do great, no worries!

Throughout this journey Larissa has been one of my rocks. When I was trying to decide on whether I wanted to try a pump, I asked her to show me her site at church one Sunday. She has the whole pumping thing down to a science, I can never even tell where her pump is half the time. She very willingly showed me her site and also her Dexcom. She's always interested in whats going on with my diabetes, and I know she prays for me daily- this means the WORLD to me. Her support has been so fundamental in my acceptance of this disease. I hope she reads this- I LOVE YOU LARISSA!

So I said all that to say this, do you ever feel frustrated with peoples disinterest in this disease? I don't know about you guys, but I love to tell people about type 1 (hopefully this is not an attention-seeking trait, but rather a desire to educate). Sure, it can get awkward, especially when its strangers, but sometimes its just nice to vent on people and explain to them what you have to deal with everyday. Before being diagnosed, I had no real interest in learning about T1D. I like to think, well rather hope, that I am, in general, a pretty compassionate person.

But I have to say this. Even the most compassionate, loving people have NO idea what you face sometimes. That's why support from other T1Ds is crucial. I'm thankful tonight for my support system : ) Larissa is just one the few who have kept me sane through all of this. My family aslo, are always willing to learn and try to understand all the aspects of this disease. I have other friends, great ones that do their best to support me even though they don't necessarily belong to the diabetic community.

Of all those people though, Jesus is my favorite : ))