Miss Independent

I am obnoxiously independent.

“Did you bolus for that?”

“Should you really be eating that?”

“Have you checked your sugar?”

“What was it?”

All these questions, and the looks of reproof that generally accompany them, bug the snot out of me. This is my body, my disease, let me deal with it. I don’t mind the occasional, “How has your sugar been lately?” or kind comments or questions in regards to how I’ve been feeling, but I hate to be bossed around by certain people. Honestly it only bothers me when it’s my family nagging, or my close friends making an insensitive joke when I eat ice cream. Like, really? Could you not?

Then I realized, Kelby, you are just ignorant. Ignorant to the fact that those questions, comments and concerns, although sometimes not expressed with tact, are the results of genuine concern for your well-being.

Now, I’m not saying this makes all those comments valid, and that there aren’t some things better left unsaid. For example, if you’re going to tease someone for eating sweets, the last person you should do that to is a type 1 diabetic. I don’t mind good natured jokes, and I often engage in them myself, but sometimes it’s not appropriate. The best way to know is to ask the diabetic themselves: “Hey, does this statement bother you?” “Is it okay to talk about this?” If it’s me, you don’t need to worry about asking, I’ll tell you myself if something bothers me, but not everyone is that open, so just ask. Be sensitive.

On the opposite side of that is your family. I don’t know about you- but my family loves me. A lot. They just want me to stay alive and be healthy. Sure, I can’t stand it when my mom looks over my shoulder while I’m checking my BG, and yeah, it can be annoying when my sisters ask if I’ve checked my sugar, but most of the time, it’s just because they really want to be involved in my life, in my battle with this disease. I shouldn’t close them out because they are the people I need the most.

Okay, so, you know how mentioned that phase I went through where I was forgetting and/or just not checking my BG before bedtime? A dangerous habit to say the least. I don’t have a CGM, so the only way to insure I don’t have nighttime lows, is to check my BG immediately before bed.  I came to the conclusion that not doing this could be life-threatening, and it was a habit I really needed to fix. So I asked my mom to remind me, before she went to bed, to check my BG.

The point of this post? Sometimes it’s good to eat a little humble pie, admit when you need help, and accept those aggravating comments a little more readily.

~Still learning T1D

Death by Holidays (goodbye honeymoon phase)

Alright, I don’t know about you guys, but when I’m stressed out, super busy, or on vacation, I get a little lax in my management if you know what I mean. Finals week, Thanksgiving, and Christmas vacation are all perfect examples of this. Finals week was, well, stressful. And when I’m stressed out, I like to eat. I mean, who doesn’t love a good a candy bar when you’re on the brink of mental collapse? (Okay, that may have been a slight exaggeration, but you know what I mean) When I say “lax in management” I don’t mean that I completely stop taking insulin or ignore a bad BG reading. It means that I snack more than I should, don’t check as often as I need to, and fail to stay within my normal carb range. I try to shoot for around 45-60 carbs meal. Well obviously, that goal is not even realistic on Thanksgiving.

Let’s start with Thanksgiving. Lots of food, right? Want a general idea of HOW MUCH food? I took nine units of insulin to account for my loaded down plate. At a bolus ratio of 1-15, that means it was about 135 carbs. Post-Thanksgiving meal, my tummy was NOT happy with me. As a diabetic, I rarely eat until I am stuffed. And this was the first time since the beginning of this year (my diagnosis) that I had really gorged. And oh boy did I pay for it! The stomach cramps that night that followed were NOT pleasant. I can’t remember if I checked my BG before bed or not. Forgetting to check my BG before bed was a bad phase for a while (more on that later). So after Thanksgiving I seemed to be having difficulties staying in range. So I monitored my carb intake, insulin dosage, and BG’s closely for a couple days then decided to bump up my bolus rate. So I started doing a unit to every 12 carbs instead of 15. I also upped my daily injected of Lantus from 5 to 7 units.

So that was Thanksgiving. Now on to Christmas.

Pretty much same story, different holiday. Poor control, snacks, too many carbs, too much food in general, ect, ect. This past week I was out of state visiting a friend before school starts back. All week I kept seeing a reoccurring high post-prandial (after meal) BG. So, I upped my intake again, and tried 1-9 for a couple meals, with results still above my preference. Another bump down, and I seem to be back on level ground with a 1-7 ratio.

Now I’m wondering if I might need to give Lantus another bump up, considering I went to bed last night with a BG of 113, and woke up with a 130.

I said all that to say this: Honeymoon period is obviously either over, or in fast decline, and I can’t help but wonder if I was responsible. Did all that over-eating, inconsistent snacking, and irresponsible management finally send my pancreas over the edge? It’s a question worth asking, but I’m not sure if I’m brave enough to admit all of the above to my endo next week. He’s bound to notice those highs and missing bedtime BG’s. Good thing he is a super nice guy.

 ~Regretful T1D