Swing Low

Actually, please don't.

"If you are dating a girl who carries around juice boxes she's either too young for you or diabetic"

I've went low at least once everyday for the past four days. Mostly just due to over-blousing, not having the right carb count, or my eyes being bigger than my stomach. No matter the cause, it is less than pleasant.

I think everyone must experience lows differently. I have a friend who says they make her want to go sleep. Most people say they get super hungry. Others say they get sweaty and shaky. I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but when I'm low my chest gets tight. I start breathing really quick and heavy and I have a hard time organizing/expressing my thoughts. Sometimes I get really goofy, other times I'm really grumpy. Sometimes I have a hot flash, other times I cant walk straight. 

What are your low symptoms? 

*This is a post that was written in 2015 but is just now being published ;)

I'll add to this (in 2020) that I have had a few ROUGH lows. One time I pre-bolused at a restaurant that is usually really fast and they took WAY too long to bring food and I thought I would pass out. I was soaked in sweat by the time I flagged down a waitress to bring me something to treat. Often times if I get below 60, I have to lay in the floor or on a table to keep from paniking and over-correcting until the feeling of death passes. 

What are some of your low stories? 

All the Feels (the good, bad and ugly)

The good: my A1C was like, 5.6 or some craziness and I am in a prescription assistance program so that I can get insulin for free now (more on that later)!

The bad and the ugly, however, is the rest.

I promised in a recent social media post that I would share with you some questions I asked my Endo at a recent visit. Before I do though, I want to explain what drove me to these questions. You need to know a little bit about my insulin needs.

Truth is- I use very little insulin (some of you might know this already) and honestly I have even thought before, "How can I be type 1?" I use so much less insulin than anyone I've ever talked to in the diabetes community. This has always made me feel like an outsider, like a type one that's "not legit". I was recently denied the opportunity to participate in a drug trial that would have been extremely beneficial to me, because my "pancreatic function was too high".

For those of you whose only experience with diabetes is my myself,  here are some numbers for comparison: I can get away with FIVE units of long acting insulin, while some type ones can need as much as THIRTY or even more.

To type ones out there for some perspective, I cant even use up a minimum reservoir on a pump and usually ended up wasting insulin when I wore an omnipod.

Now, all that to say: my endo has told me multiple times I am a classically diagnosed type one with antibodies that prove for sure that I am dealing with autoimmune diabetes. But I wanted to know for sure at this last appointment..... could I get away with not taking insulin?

The answer was a hard no. My endocrinologist told me that because I have the potential to spike to the 300s (no matter how rare it may be) that I must continue insulin therapy. She does not recommend a closed loop system because she does not see it as necessary. She does not know of any pumps with a low enough reservoir to avoid wasting insulin. We cannot do inhalable insulin for mealtime boluses because of the increments it comes in. I absolutely cannot take any oral medicinal replacement for insulin.

So I honestly feel stuck.

Stuck with 4-5 injections a day and destined to be bruised and pricked multiple times a day even though we have technology to prevent (or at least decrease) that.

Oh goodness, I know I should not complain. I am so thankful my diabetes is less work to manage than most peoples. That I sleep good at night. That I do not often deal with crazy swings in my numbers.

But what STINKS is that I STILL have to prick, I still have to stick. I feel like I am teetering on this edge of true illness and faking it, but its a quick fall to reality when I truly do not put forth effort to manage my numbers (even if its less than others have to).

I have a chronic illness. One that will never go away. I have to remind myself of this, because sometimes I don't feel "worthy" to be labeled "type one". Ugh. How DUMB.

Well, there it all is, aired out in the open. I don't understand the purpose or see a point to this, but I'll bet I am not the only one who carries these type of weights.

No matter what I may feel however, the truth that I am sure of deep down in my heart is this: MY STRUGGLES DO NOT DEFINE ME and I should never seek to find contentment by looking around and comparing myself to others.

What happened when Peter started looking around? He SANK. DONT sink. The waves of depression, discontentment, discouragement, sadness, they are all waiting to overtake you.

Remember to look at Jesus. To take his hand. To trust him and whatever he is planning for your life.

Its difficult to explain why needing so little insulin is frustrating and why its hard to be thankful for the positive. I can see how none of this may make sense to someone who doesn't live in my brain.
But oh my friends, hear this: I find comfort in knowing that I can express my feelings, the good the bad and the ugly, to a God who understands and cares about every part of me.

Loving my body (NOT as a plus sized social media influencer or totally toned, protein loving, gym-going junkie)

Okay so I had this grand post idea where I was going to share my current lifestyle choices with food, explain the change in my mentality towards food, and explain my whole journey towards that mentality as well as share how I drink my coffee and eat my salads.

Well I started typing all this and realized it was WAY too much for one post. Ha! So, we are going to start with the back story here in comparison to now, and I'll post soon about coffee and salads. This is where our story starts:

13-17 year old Kelby, when interacting with any girl close to her age:

 "OH MY GOSH if I hear one more girl say she needs to go the gym I am going to smack someone" 

"If one more average sized girl says she is fat again, I will smack myself"

"OH MY WORD YOU LOOK FINE please stop asking me 895 times if your hair looks okay!!"

Granted, this is coming from teenage Kelby. Lemme explain teenage Kelby to those of you who were fortunate enough to miss out on knowing me personally during this time of my life. Lets try to describe me in 4 words...well sentences/phrases and endless parenthesis...: 

1.  Baggy clothes (usually a floor length jean skirt and random patterned shirt)
2. "Messy" buns (Not the cute kind... imagine 4 ft of hair wrapped around itself and secured with ONE pony tail holder)
3.  Total disregard for any current fashions (meaning I probably did the OPPOSITE of what was trendy ON PURPOSE)
4.  Not even attempting to attract the opposite sex or fit in with other girls my age in any way, shape or form

I am not exaggerating. I literally did the opposite of what everyone else did because I detested girls who were hung up on themselves (even though, lets be honest, MOST teenage girls are like this because they are just insecure and trying to figure out life). But I was not like that. I ate all the cupcakes, did all the things that were NOT trendy or attractive, and just bee-bopped through life mostly happy and content with myself. 

I credit my parents and wonderful upbringing with this beautiful mentality, but also slightly faulty perspective of genuinely not caring about my body or looks.

I was dx with type one in 2015, at age 16, at which point I had lost around 10 lbs but easily gained it back with a few extra pounds in the next couple years. Contrary to what you think I'm going to say here, "I realized the importance of diet and exercise and fixed my mindset" I actually kind of spiraled downward. My whole mentality of type one was, "I can eat a cupcake if I want and you cant stop me" in addition to, "This disease doesn't have to control me or affect my lifestyle". Ouch.

That's not altogether wrong, but I was viewing everything SO wrong. My perspective was so twisted.

*Disclaimer: Just because I felt like I could live this way, did not mean I was always comfortable in my own skin. Everyone wants to have a flat stomach, be a certain "goal" weight or look a certain way in that perfect dress. But because my heart condition/perspective wasn't in the right place, I could never achieve what I considered perfection because I was either so afraid of being like every other girl and worrying too much about my body, or too caught up in not being happy with myself that the solution was stress eating or short term binges of exercising when I would get self-conscience. So I was a mess!

I love food.

Lets get that straight. A this point in my life I hated salads 😝, veggies, and anything that was not heavy in carbs and/or fats.

Food became my coping strategy

After a hard day at work, I would hit up a barbeque joint and eat away my feelings with fried chicken, potato wedges, hushpuppies and piles of honey mustard or ranch. (Imma be honest, my mouth is watering rn). I was sucker for sweets, but instead of just enjoying one, I couldn't stop myself and would eat and eat and eat until I just couldn't hold anymore (7-8 cookies later). What a rough spot to be in.

My sisters and mom kept pushing me to eat healthy, which always felt like somewhat of an insult, but was meant with all the good intentions in the world.

My endo told me that because it was easier for me than most people to manage my blood sugars, I should get tighter control of my spikes. I began considering the following:

Co 6:19  "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?"

This was Jesus in response to my (then) perspective on my body: "WHAT?" 😂

Essentially, I began over 6 months ago trying to change my perspective on food. 

 I got on a bandwagon with my sisters and my mom and they helped me, supported me, and cheered me on. I now still get to eat good things, just with less of a focus on living to eat. I will go into more detail on just how I changed my eating habits and what that looks like for my diabetes in a future post, but right now I just want to say this.

I still love food!

I eat a good brownie, piece of cake, or box of french fries every once in awhile. But now, instead of not caring, I also keep in mind how these decisions are affecting my body. My arteries, my heart health, my blood sugar. These reminders help me reign in my tendencies to stress eat or binge sweets. My overall lifestyle has changed, but when I'm eating out or on Holiday I still get to enjoy food because I don't obsess over it. However, I eat GOOD yummy food that is GOOD for me on a daily basis.

Sure, I have lost weight and that's nice, but I am happier all around because I feel better and I know my body is happy because I am taking care of it. My diabetes management is SO much better too! Because I am eating purposefully.

Exercise is still hit or miss, I am not going to lie there. I'm still lazy. So we gotta work on that. 😂

But, what I want you to take away from this is: eating healthy does not mean you have to be obsessed with your appearance or body image. And being obsessed with you appearance or body image is NOT the right reason to eat healthy or change your lifestyle.

LOVING your body does not mean being happy with it being overweight and leading to health complications. You can prove to whomever that you are happy in your skin without being plus size.

Because truly loving your body means TAKING CARE of it. 

Wether that means your weight is a little above average or not. You can rest in knowing that you do what is best for your body regardless of if it lines up with cultural norms.

For me, my body is the temple of Christ. As a Christian, it is my duty to take care of my body to the best of my abilities, because I am commanded to.

So my friend, I hope you can find this happy medium and this beautiful balance like I have. Because I am loving this lifestyle!


P.S. I do actually fix my hair and wear clothes that fit me now (most of the time). Just needed to add that 😆

I almost quit social media AGAIN... and heres why

"No one will follow me if I don't post attractive pictures of me showing off my medical devices" 

"I am not like everyone else because I don't need much insulin, and my sugar stays in range without much effort, and I don't have a pump or CGM"

"I am not a 'true' type one diabetic"

"I am not relatable" 

Shew! Felt good to get that out there! I want to talk about comparing yourself to others... whether that be other diabetics, famous people, or peers. 

All of the phrases I listed above are things my inner self has struggled with, especially upon my recent re-enrtry back into the diabetes world on social media (Instagram specifically). I found myself straight DEPRESSED. Discontent with being device-less, wishing I was more like every other diabetic so I could be relatable, wishing I had more followers, more likes, more comments and better pictures. 

And so I was like, forget this! I was much better off without social media. I was happy with my glucometer and MDIs. I didn't even hardly THINK about having diabetes. Now all the sudden I'm stressed about not having devices, not having enough followers, and being so different from every flourishing diabetic on social media. UGH. 

I had a well-meaning follower tell me one time, "Maybe your a little bit cured!" because I cut out my long acting insulin while on a mission trip. "I would've been in DKA!", she says. 

I was recently refused the opportunity to participate in a clinical drug trial by higher ups because, "My pancreatic function was too high" although my doctor, research coordinator, and diabetes educator agreed I was PERFECT for this study and classically diagnosed type one diabetic (abnormally high GAD antibodies and all). The drug they were testing was supposed to stop or delay the autoimmune process. 

I don't have my pump or CGM right now because I don't have medical insurance, and I was totally fine without them until I got back on Instagram and felt like a total outsider to the diabetes community. 

I have felt like an outsider most of my life, ever since I was old enough to realize how different I am. I dress different than most people because of my personal convictions, I don't do things other people do or go the same places as other people my age. So its not a new feeling. 

When I was first diagnosed I was SO excited to go to a women's conference hosted by our local JDRF chapter. I was 16 (newly diagnosed) and with my mom. All the girls had devices. They all had been diabetic since they were 5 or 6 years old. I felt so, "not in the loop" around these people who I was supposed to share common ground with. This group that was exclusive, with a focus on a rare disease and difficult lifestyle that I and everyone else there had. Surely I should have felt normal here!

But I didn't. And you know what? Its OKAY to be different. Its OKAY to share common ground, but on different levels. Your self worth does not come from how relatable you are to people on social media that you probably don't even know or other diabetics who have better or worse numbers than you.  

Its okay if you take 5 units of Tresiba and have a high carb ratio! Its okay if you need 50 units of long acting and barely any short acting! These things do not make you type one or not type one. I have autoimmune diabetes, and my bet is you do too. I can grantee we are different in how we manage or illness and you know why?  Here's some relieving news: WE DONT LIVE IN THE SAME BODY OR HAVE THE SAME BRAIN! Autoimmune diabetes IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You have little contol over what your body does or does not do.

For me, my fulfillment, my self-worth, and my overall contentment is based in Jesus Christ. Its so easy to look at other people (especially as women) and wish we were just a little skinnier, a little more popular, or had clothes that were a little cuter or more revealing. 

But YOU my friend... YOU are SO much more than what everyone else's social media posts tell you you need to be. You be YOU. You do YOU. 

2 Corinthians 10:12

"For we dare not make ourselves of the number, [for they] comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise"

1 Corinthians 6:20

"For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's"

So whether you are a mom struggling to fit into every mold that every other mom is trying to smoosh you into, or you are a teenager discontent with how you pose for photos, how you look, or what you have to wear, or a diabetic who feels like no one gets you, please remember you are unique, perfect and I think you are AWESOME. 

So I almost quit social media AGAIN. But I didnt. Because I want to keep sharing, learning, and relating in any way that I can.

Larissa and Bailey

Larissa: The sweet, red headed young mom that came to church 13 years ago. Larissa with a tiny newborn girl and 2 year old little boy (who called me his girlfriend by the way for SEVERAL years, but lets not embarrass that NOW 15 year old!). 

Larissa: The type one diabetic that showed me her pump site one time. I remember thinking something crazy about how she changed her site... and I can't exactly remember what I thought but something like she had a thing that stayed in her all the time and she had to tap into it every three days? Like a port? I would later chuckle at the irony of this ignorance. 

Larissa: The first person I called after I left the Drs office with my type one diagnosis close to 8 years after we had met. She cried with me as I tried to explain everything to her through my tears and, "I'm okay I'm just scared".

Larissa: The only person outside of family that I let come see me in the hospital. She brought a stuffed horse and cards with hand drawn pictures from her babies. 

Larissa: The PANCREAS TRANSPLANT SURVIVOR and THRIVER who does not take insulin anymore, but continues to deal with the repercussions of being type one for 30 years before God gave her a new pancreas. 

Bailey: The girl I followed on Instagram when I discovered the massive type one community. She was type one and lived close (I didn't realize how close at the time) and didn't know anyone else with type one. 

Larissa: The oh so considerate and sweet person who I was unaware also followed Bailey. She contacted her (or the other way around) and said hey! we all have something in common, lets get together!

Bailey: The girl who relates to me on a personal level that many cannot. The girl who pulls her checker out before meals, injects insulin the same way I do, and FAWNS with me over Myabetic bags.

Bailey: The girl who offers her extra supply of Humolog when she knows I don't have insurance. The girl that gets and makes diabetes jokes and understands my lingo. The girl who I see barely once a year (but hopefully that will change soon). 

I love you both so much. Your support means the world, your company is precious. There is nothing like being with people who battle with, and for you. So shout out to my friends. My friends who understand. My friends who love to eat carbs with me (YAS queens!). My friends who buy me awesome Christmas presents. My friends who make me feel less alone on this journey. 

Ya'll are the BEST. 

 Bailey

Larissa

A Bloody Mess

The title pretty much sums up my day yesterday. I'm not going to lie- it was kinda a rough day diabetes-wise.
*Disclaimer* This post contains girl-stuff and a lovely little pic of my bloody back (per a failed dexcom sensor), so to all you dudes out there- might wanna skip this one.
Okay so, first: That smoothie I drank night before last? I majorly over-bolused for it and ended up with a low that dropped from 66 to 53, even after I treated. I was a little freaked out by that, ended up eating half the kitchen, and had a high BG from 12-4am (in the 200s) according to my dex. *Insert non-paid promotion here* That dex was a life-saver. I would've went to bed with a BG of 106 (what my glucometer read) if I hadn't seen the arrow pointing straight down on my receiver.
So, needless to say, it was a bit of a rough night. Morning dawned with a good BG and I headed out to school. I stopped by work to grab a biscuit, which shot my BG up to the 200's and left it there until lunch time (around lunch time I discovered mother nature had left me her present for the month-possibly the cause of those higher BGs). I took extra insulin for lunch and was still high until I accidentally ripped off my receiver (which still had two more days) and had to change my dexcom site.

Now you see that picture? And where that little girl's transmitter is?

Yeah that didn't really work out for me. Maybe because my skin is thinner there because of stretch-marks from that rapid growth spurt (more like weight gain) of my preteen years. 

So I ripped that site out after I realized the little window had filled up with blood. Ouch. And I wasted a dex transmitter which makes me sad, because I only have three more.

Theeeeen last night the site where I did my Lantus injection bled and I was just like...

Oh well! After all, that's life, right? 

My day diabetes-aside was fine. I got to have lunch with my parents and actually clocked out of work on time. Plus- everyday with Jesus is a good day!

 So don't think I'm trying to be a negative Nancy- just trynna keep it real. 

~Realistic T1D

Dexcom & Smoothies

Absence makes the heart grow fonder... right?

Goodness, sorry for being so MIA, my life has been full lately with school, work, friends and family.

I had a super good day today. Not with my BG's (although that was my fault) but I just had a great attitude all day. The weather here was low seventies, and I was soaking it in after a cold dry winter.

 If you follow me on Insta, you know that my transplant friend loaned me her CGM. I am on week two with it, and, in contrast to the inaccuracy the first couple days I used it, it has been almost spot on this week. I run level all through the night (I'm talkin perfect- 90's) and haven't had it alert me to a low yet! I actually still have yet to experience a night time low- Thank you Jesus! So back to the CGM. I'm learning just how bad of a carb counter I am... When I have exact carb info (right off a box) I raise to around 130, then level out to 100's or 90's, but when I'm guessing....shew momma. I've hit 200's a couple times this week. The reason my BGs were off today? Well there are a couple.
Reason #1) I ate a quinoa bar for breakfast and its like oatmeal- Spikes my BG, then drops below 70 a couple hours later. I know now (thanks to some info from fellow type ones- Yay community!) that I should've had a spoonful of PB or some other protein to prevent that spike and drop.
Reason #2) Reason two is that I made some bad decisions. I ate some trail mix during class and later drank some of a starbuck's frappechino without blousing....... We are just going to leave that at "Do better next time", K?

Even with a funky BG day, I've been a happy girl. My room is clean and half of my laundry is clean and put away (yes, only half. Don't act like your perfect). And I am done with all my major assignments in all 3 of my classes! Now to just tackle finals!

I've been kinda interested in smoothies lately, but discovered I cant handle the ones that contain banana... I just cant do it. Its already such a mushy fruit...mushing it up more in a smoothie...just...bad idea.

So tonight I made my own smoothie concoction (instead of following a recipe)...

• Frozen strawberries
• Fresh blueberries
• Plain greek yogurt
• Unsweetened vanilla almond milk
• Honey
• Vanilla extract

I don't have any measurements, I just threw stuff in. And guess what? Its good! Hurrah!
I bloused 46 carbs, we will see how my BG handles it.
***UPDATE*** Ended up with super bad low right before bed. I'll probably cut that carb count in half next time!!!

I hope to do a Dexcom review pretty soon, and tell yall all about the JDRF women of type one conference I attended last weekend. So hopefully there will be more to come! Stay tuned!

~Slacking T1D

P.S. This weeks resolution? No sweets. And no meals over 45 carbs. That one skirt just isn't fitting right.... ya know what I mean?
P.P.S My Lantus alarm just rang for the third time...should probably add "Take Lantus on time" to the above resolutions...