Quick Humor and Deep Thoughts

Just wanted to hop on here and share this...
I was reading an adventure romance novel the other day where the couple was basically trekking the desserts of Africa. They stopped to sit atop a sand dune for a picnic.
I had this split second thought....
How is she keeping her insulin cold in the dessert? 
I laughed out loud. Then I thought how nice it must be to trek across a dessert and not worry about your blood sugar.
I think it is so crazy how normal these things (diabetes care) can become! To where it is literally ingrained in us that our subconscious automatically imagines every person has to think about the same things.

Sometimes, I think that makes it easier. I know diabetes should never be an "after thought" per say, but it almost becomes completely natural to do all the diabetes things because, well, it has to be natural if we want to live!

There are definitely times that it does not come naturally to me to think about my blood sugar. I eat relatively clean, minus the occasional breakdown/binge, and my blood sugar remains stable and controlled most of the time (Thank the Lord!) so sometimes I truly do forget.

During this quarantine especially, I am out of my routine of taking supplies with me everywhere I go. My sister lives beside us essentially, so we eat dinner and do things with them often. I walked up the hill to her house for dinner with my parents the other night, and then after getting there and sitting down to eat, I realized I didn't bring any insulin.

UGH I was so frustrated to have to walk back home to get it, and by the time I got back they were all mostly done with dinner. Its days like these I wish I had a pump. Its a little harder to forget something that's attached to you 😆

My boyfriend reminds me via phone (we are long distance) to check my BG every night. Without him there are definitely times I forget or just am half asleep and decide I feel fine and don't need to. I know, not safe, but I can count on one hand the times I've went low in the middle of the night.

Either way, since staying home all the time, my blood sugar has been around 120 going to bed every night. I like that predictability! I think its because I'm not eating out and I don't eat processed sugar when I eat at home.

I hope you all are holding up. Know you have my love, thoughts, and prayers!

I almost quit social media AGAIN... and heres why

"No one will follow me if I don't post attractive pictures of me showing off my medical devices" 

"I am not like everyone else because I don't need much insulin, and my sugar stays in range without much effort, and I don't have a pump or CGM"

"I am not a 'true' type one diabetic"

"I am not relatable" 

Shew! Felt good to get that out there! I want to talk about comparing yourself to others... whether that be other diabetics, famous people, or peers. 

All of the phrases I listed above are things my inner self has struggled with, especially upon my recent re-enrtry back into the diabetes world on social media (Instagram specifically). I found myself straight DEPRESSED. Discontent with being device-less, wishing I was more like every other diabetic so I could be relatable, wishing I had more followers, more likes, more comments and better pictures. 

And so I was like, forget this! I was much better off without social media. I was happy with my glucometer and MDIs. I didn't even hardly THINK about having diabetes. Now all the sudden I'm stressed about not having devices, not having enough followers, and being so different from every flourishing diabetic on social media. UGH. 

I had a well-meaning follower tell me one time, "Maybe your a little bit cured!" because I cut out my long acting insulin while on a mission trip. "I would've been in DKA!", she says. 

I was recently refused the opportunity to participate in a clinical drug trial by higher ups because, "My pancreatic function was too high" although my doctor, research coordinator, and diabetes educator agreed I was PERFECT for this study and classically diagnosed type one diabetic (abnormally high GAD antibodies and all). The drug they were testing was supposed to stop or delay the autoimmune process. 

I don't have my pump or CGM right now because I don't have medical insurance, and I was totally fine without them until I got back on Instagram and felt like a total outsider to the diabetes community. 

I have felt like an outsider most of my life, ever since I was old enough to realize how different I am. I dress different than most people because of my personal convictions, I don't do things other people do or go the same places as other people my age. So its not a new feeling. 

When I was first diagnosed I was SO excited to go to a women's conference hosted by our local JDRF chapter. I was 16 (newly diagnosed) and with my mom. All the girls had devices. They all had been diabetic since they were 5 or 6 years old. I felt so, "not in the loop" around these people who I was supposed to share common ground with. This group that was exclusive, with a focus on a rare disease and difficult lifestyle that I and everyone else there had. Surely I should have felt normal here!

But I didn't. And you know what? Its OKAY to be different. Its OKAY to share common ground, but on different levels. Your self worth does not come from how relatable you are to people on social media that you probably don't even know or other diabetics who have better or worse numbers than you.  

Its okay if you take 5 units of Tresiba and have a high carb ratio! Its okay if you need 50 units of long acting and barely any short acting! These things do not make you type one or not type one. I have autoimmune diabetes, and my bet is you do too. I can grantee we are different in how we manage or illness and you know why?  Here's some relieving news: WE DONT LIVE IN THE SAME BODY OR HAVE THE SAME BRAIN! Autoimmune diabetes IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You have little contol over what your body does or does not do.

For me, my fulfillment, my self-worth, and my overall contentment is based in Jesus Christ. Its so easy to look at other people (especially as women) and wish we were just a little skinnier, a little more popular, or had clothes that were a little cuter or more revealing. 

But YOU my friend... YOU are SO much more than what everyone else's social media posts tell you you need to be. You be YOU. You do YOU. 

2 Corinthians 10:12

"For we dare not make ourselves of the number, [for they] comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise"

1 Corinthians 6:20

"For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's"

So whether you are a mom struggling to fit into every mold that every other mom is trying to smoosh you into, or you are a teenager discontent with how you pose for photos, how you look, or what you have to wear, or a diabetic who feels like no one gets you, please remember you are unique, perfect and I think you are AWESOME. 

So I almost quit social media AGAIN. But I didnt. Because I want to keep sharing, learning, and relating in any way that I can.

A Bloody Mess

The title pretty much sums up my day yesterday. I'm not going to lie- it was kinda a rough day diabetes-wise.
*Disclaimer* This post contains girl-stuff and a lovely little pic of my bloody back (per a failed dexcom sensor), so to all you dudes out there- might wanna skip this one.
Okay so, first: That smoothie I drank night before last? I majorly over-bolused for it and ended up with a low that dropped from 66 to 53, even after I treated. I was a little freaked out by that, ended up eating half the kitchen, and had a high BG from 12-4am (in the 200s) according to my dex. *Insert non-paid promotion here* That dex was a life-saver. I would've went to bed with a BG of 106 (what my glucometer read) if I hadn't seen the arrow pointing straight down on my receiver.
So, needless to say, it was a bit of a rough night. Morning dawned with a good BG and I headed out to school. I stopped by work to grab a biscuit, which shot my BG up to the 200's and left it there until lunch time (around lunch time I discovered mother nature had left me her present for the month-possibly the cause of those higher BGs). I took extra insulin for lunch and was still high until I accidentally ripped off my receiver (which still had two more days) and had to change my dexcom site.

Now you see that picture? And where that little girl's transmitter is?

Yeah that didn't really work out for me. Maybe because my skin is thinner there because of stretch-marks from that rapid growth spurt (more like weight gain) of my preteen years. 

So I ripped that site out after I realized the little window had filled up with blood. Ouch. And I wasted a dex transmitter which makes me sad, because I only have three more.

Theeeeen last night the site where I did my Lantus injection bled and I was just like...

Oh well! After all, that's life, right? 

My day diabetes-aside was fine. I got to have lunch with my parents and actually clocked out of work on time. Plus- everyday with Jesus is a good day!

 So don't think I'm trying to be a negative Nancy- just trynna keep it real. 

~Realistic T1D

Miss Independent

I am obnoxiously independent.

“Did you bolus for that?”

“Should you really be eating that?”

“Have you checked your sugar?”

“What was it?”

All these questions, and the looks of reproof that generally accompany them, bug the snot out of me. This is my body, my disease, let me deal with it. I don’t mind the occasional, “How has your sugar been lately?” or kind comments or questions in regards to how I’ve been feeling, but I hate to be bossed around by certain people. Honestly it only bothers me when it’s my family nagging, or my close friends making an insensitive joke when I eat ice cream. Like, really? Could you not?

Then I realized, Kelby, you are just ignorant. Ignorant to the fact that those questions, comments and concerns, although sometimes not expressed with tact, are the results of genuine concern for your well-being.

Now, I’m not saying this makes all those comments valid, and that there aren’t some things better left unsaid. For example, if you’re going to tease someone for eating sweets, the last person you should do that to is a type 1 diabetic. I don’t mind good natured jokes, and I often engage in them myself, but sometimes it’s not appropriate. The best way to know is to ask the diabetic themselves: “Hey, does this statement bother you?” “Is it okay to talk about this?” If it’s me, you don’t need to worry about asking, I’ll tell you myself if something bothers me, but not everyone is that open, so just ask. Be sensitive.

On the opposite side of that is your family. I don’t know about you- but my family loves me. A lot. They just want me to stay alive and be healthy. Sure, I can’t stand it when my mom looks over my shoulder while I’m checking my BG, and yeah, it can be annoying when my sisters ask if I’ve checked my sugar, but most of the time, it’s just because they really want to be involved in my life, in my battle with this disease. I shouldn’t close them out because they are the people I need the most.

Okay, so, you know how mentioned that phase I went through where I was forgetting and/or just not checking my BG before bedtime? A dangerous habit to say the least. I don’t have a CGM, so the only way to insure I don’t have nighttime lows, is to check my BG immediately before bed.  I came to the conclusion that not doing this could be life-threatening, and it was a habit I really needed to fix. So I asked my mom to remind me, before she went to bed, to check my BG.

The point of this post? Sometimes it’s good to eat a little humble pie, admit when you need help, and accept those aggravating comments a little more readily.

~Still learning T1D

Death by Holidays (goodbye honeymoon phase)

Alright, I don’t know about you guys, but when I’m stressed out, super busy, or on vacation, I get a little lax in my management if you know what I mean. Finals week, Thanksgiving, and Christmas vacation are all perfect examples of this. Finals week was, well, stressful. And when I’m stressed out, I like to eat. I mean, who doesn’t love a good a candy bar when you’re on the brink of mental collapse? (Okay, that may have been a slight exaggeration, but you know what I mean) When I say “lax in management” I don’t mean that I completely stop taking insulin or ignore a bad BG reading. It means that I snack more than I should, don’t check as often as I need to, and fail to stay within my normal carb range. I try to shoot for around 45-60 carbs meal. Well obviously, that goal is not even realistic on Thanksgiving.

Let’s start with Thanksgiving. Lots of food, right? Want a general idea of HOW MUCH food? I took nine units of insulin to account for my loaded down plate. At a bolus ratio of 1-15, that means it was about 135 carbs. Post-Thanksgiving meal, my tummy was NOT happy with me. As a diabetic, I rarely eat until I am stuffed. And this was the first time since the beginning of this year (my diagnosis) that I had really gorged. And oh boy did I pay for it! The stomach cramps that night that followed were NOT pleasant. I can’t remember if I checked my BG before bed or not. Forgetting to check my BG before bed was a bad phase for a while (more on that later). So after Thanksgiving I seemed to be having difficulties staying in range. So I monitored my carb intake, insulin dosage, and BG’s closely for a couple days then decided to bump up my bolus rate. So I started doing a unit to every 12 carbs instead of 15. I also upped my daily injected of Lantus from 5 to 7 units.

So that was Thanksgiving. Now on to Christmas.

Pretty much same story, different holiday. Poor control, snacks, too many carbs, too much food in general, ect, ect. This past week I was out of state visiting a friend before school starts back. All week I kept seeing a reoccurring high post-prandial (after meal) BG. So, I upped my intake again, and tried 1-9 for a couple meals, with results still above my preference. Another bump down, and I seem to be back on level ground with a 1-7 ratio.

Now I’m wondering if I might need to give Lantus another bump up, considering I went to bed last night with a BG of 113, and woke up with a 130.

I said all that to say this: Honeymoon period is obviously either over, or in fast decline, and I can’t help but wonder if I was responsible. Did all that over-eating, inconsistent snacking, and irresponsible management finally send my pancreas over the edge? It’s a question worth asking, but I’m not sure if I’m brave enough to admit all of the above to my endo next week. He’s bound to notice those highs and missing bedtime BG’s. Good thing he is a super nice guy.

 ~Regretful T1D

Traveling

My blood sugar does not like traveling. Rather, it doesn't like high carb foods and lack of physical exertion. As I'm sure you've figured out, from last nights post and the sentences opening this post, my sugar has been wacky. Mostly high, but today I went low and this why (I think):

• We were eating food prepared at someone's home, so I didn't have an exact carb count
• I corrected for a slightly high BG (163)
• I also tried adjusting my bolus ratio
• I didn't have a calculator so I had to guess when dividing my carbs

So I corrected, but didn't re-check (I know, bad Kelby). In all fairness though, I was in a vehicle and I couldn't even wash my hands to check. When I corrected, my glucometer stated my BG was 88 but I knew better than that. I was pretty sure I was dropping fast, so I drank some juice. It was the lesser of two evils. I mean, don't correct and pass out, or correct without an exact number because I couldn't wash my hands, ya know? I ate some chips just a bit ago and didn't count or bolus for them. I had maybe a handful. 18 chips=19 carbs. I can have a 15 carb snack twice a day, so I figured the amount I ate was around that. Well I just checked and I was a little high, but feeling like I'm climbing. *Sigh*. Can't wait to get home and hopefully get this wackiness straightened out!

If these kinds of posts are annoying, just let me know. Ill move on to more relatable stuff eventually.

~Apologetic T1D